10 tips on how to bounce back from rejection

 

We wouldn’t be human if we were not affected in one way or the other by our setbacks. Being able to adapt to challenges, cope with adversity and recover from difficulties is a skill many of us wish to have. Here are some tips to help you build your RESILIENCE. 

 

R Reflect on your performance objectively. What worked? What went wrong? What needs improving? If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Setbacks can feel personal so staying objective and looking at things from the observer’s perspective can help you see things rationally and logically, without getting emotional.

E End goal Keep your eyes on the prize and keep going. Don’t lose sight of your goal and what matters to you because if it really matters, you will find the strength and motivation to achieve it. Most highly successful people failed on numerous occasions before they accomplished their goals. What often determines their success is the refusal to give up when they face obstacles; instead they find a way to overcome them. Knowing what it is you aspire to achieve and wanting it with every part of your body will help you carry on when things get tough.

S Strengths When things are not going our way, it is easy to concentrate on negatives and our weaknesses. In those moments arises the perfect opportunity to remind yourself about your strengths and triumphs and acknowledge your progress, however small it may be. Draw on your strong points, be kind to yourself, challenge your negative thinking and remember that if you have been resourceful before, you have it in you to be resourceful again.

I Internal dialog What do you say to yourself when you don’t succeed or get rejected? Is your language positive and encouraging or negative, unhelpful and demotivating? Language and the words you use really matter as they impact how you feel and how you behave so pay attention to your language and chose your words wisely.

L Learning What did you learn from the experience that you can use in the future? How can you use this knowledge to your advantage? Life throws lessons at us every day and sometimes the more we know, the more we realise how little we know which can be overwhelming. Learning never ends...just remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

I Interrupt the negative cycle Stress and worry are caused by how we perceive a situation, not the situation itself. The choice of how you respond to a situation will determine your outcome. Let’s say, you don’t get the job you interviewed for. If you respond by thinking you failed, you are not good enough, the way you will feel will be negative and hinder your confidence. If however you decide to respond more rationally by saying for example that although you were not successful, having an interview was good practice so I will be better prepared in the future or that there might have been other candidates who were more experienced etc, the way you feel about the situation will not be as negative as in the first scenario. In order to get out of the negative cycle, something needs to change, the cycle needs to be broken. Build awareness of your beliefs about a situation, because they will determine your action and results.

E Expectations Are your expectations realistic? What are the gaps (in your knowledge, experience etc.) you need to address? What / who is preventing you from achieving your goal? If your expectations are realistic, you are more likely to achieve your goals therefore have more confidence and motivation to take action.

N Network of people Think about the people around you. Who are your drainers and who are your fillers? Who do you need to see less? Who in your circle of acquaintances do you respect and would like to learn from? Surround yourself with people who support you and have positive impact on you, rather than those who drain your energy. Having someone who you can bounce ideas off and someone you can talk to can really help when you feel down.

C Count your blessings and practice gratitude. No matter how bad your situation is, there is always someone out there who is in a much worse situation than you are. Always! Look at it this way; there are people out there who wish they had your problems and your bad days. Rather than concentrating on how unlucky and unfortunate you are, take time to remind yourself how lucky you really are.

E Evaluate Thinking about all the above tips, as well your own ideas, ask yourself: If you were going to do one thing that would help you feel better about your situation, what would it be? What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I would like to leave you with this final thought by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams”.

How do you sustain confidence and self-esteem when faced with redundancy and unemployment?

There is no doubt that losing a job can be a very stressful and challenging experience. Sometimes it is hard not to take redundancy personally. Staying positive and confident can be tricky, especially now, with many people looking for work there is a lot of competition, so finding a new job can be just as difficult.

I am going to share with you a few things that might help you to stay positive, sustain your self-esteem and keep focused during this challenging time.


Accept the reality

Everyone reacts differently to change. Some people strive on challenge and see this situation as a new opportunity, others associate change with a source of great stress. Ultimately, there are two things you can do: accept your reality, recognise that your situation has changed and that you need to start thinking about strategies to improve it; or choose to think that you deserve a break after all those years of hard work and that things will just fall into place and sort themselves out.
You may want to have a short holiday or a break to think things through and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact a short break can be an ideal time to get inspiration and to feel positive about the future. However when you have had the break, it is important to start taking action as you may suddenly realise that things don’t fall into place on their own and you need to do something about it. Some people just want to bury their head in the sand and hope that all the stress will go away. Well, denial will not make your problems disappear or change your situation for the better. It may only help you feel better for a short time but in the long run it may drain your positive energy and replace it with stress and sadness.


Take time to think about your strengths, skills and resources

It is common that when people face redundancy or are unemployed, they start questioning their skills and abilities. It is important to take time out to analyse and evaluate your strengths, skills and resources. What skills or resources could help you in this challenging period? Who could help or support you through this change? Or, what are you good at? Sometimes, a simple question like this seems far more complicated during unemployment because people too often concentrate on the negatives and things that they are not good at. If you struggle to answer this, think about your previous achievements, things you are proud of however small they may be. What skills helped you achieve it? You can also ask your friends, family or your manager to add their contribution to your skills list. When you realise how many great skills and attributes you have, it will not only improve your confidence but will also make you feel good about yourself.


What do you want to do next?

When you find out about losing your job, especially a job you enjoy and love, your world can come crashing down and you may have no idea what to do next. Spending some time thinking about your new direction and career plan will help you get clarity. What job are you going to look for? People often make the mistake of applying for any old job available because they feel like they have to find something quickly. But will getting a less suitable job mean that you are going to sustain it and enjoy it? Of course, you need to take your experience into consideration and be realistic. However, remember that if you don’t know where you are heading, how will you know when you get there? Having a clear goal and direction is essential. It will help you stay focused, in control and confident.


Prepare yourself

When people find out that they are going to be made redundant, they might be a little bit lost in terms of what to do next.
Some employers may offer help to their employees and provide access to various courses and training that can help you improve your CV, jobsearch skills or interview skills. Unfortunately, the reality is that this does not happen too often therefore you need to get the ball rolling. Start by finding out what help and support is available in your area. There are a lot of courses available for free that can help you build your confidence in job hunting. Think about the people who can help you. Start building and improving your job hunting skills as soon as possible. When people have up to date skills and knowledge they feel more confident about their abilities and better equipped to face possible challenges.


Having routine

One of the things that has the biggest impact on losing your self esteem and confidence is a lack of purpose and direction. Often people who become unemployed suddenly have a lot of time on their hands so they plod along through their day and before they know it, a week, or a month is gone and their situation has not changed. Having a routine and staying focused is essential. Your job now is looking for a job. Have a plan of exactly what you are going to do each day to improve your situation and make sure you stick to it. Commit to your plan like you would commit if you were employed and paid for your work. Knowing exactly what you have to do and having a purpose to get out of bed each morning will motivate you and increase your self esteem.


Be accountable

It is important during this difficult time to have somebody you can talk to, share your concerns or bounce ideas off. Being accountable to somebody who can give you support, encouragement and keep you on track can be very motivating. Having this other person, whether it is a coach, friend or job search buddy can make a massive difference in how you feel. Knowing that you have somebody to report to about your achievements will make you more committed and motivate you to achieve your goal. When you see or feel you are moving forward and progressing, your confidence and self belief will increase naturally.


Keep a positive attitude

Staying positive and sustaining your self esteem when facing unemployment or being unemployed can be a bigger challenge than one may think. It is very important to feed your mind and body with good quality “fuel”. Use positive language, choose positive thoughts, appreciate yourself for your progress and your achievements. When you catch yourself feeding your mind with negative and unhelpful thoughts such as “I am not good enough”, “There is no way I will get this job” etc, make sure you change and replace them with empowering and positive language. Our subconscious mind is very powerful and sooner or later will believe what you say to it. Choose the words you feed to your mind wisely. Positive language will have a positive effect on your body language, how you feel and the decisions you make.

Many unemployed people have taken advantage of their situation and turned their life around for the better, often achieving goals they would never have reached if they had not spent some time being unemployed. It is your choice on how you will approach this challenge.