10 tips on how to bounce back from rejection

 

We wouldn’t be human if we were not affected in one way or the other by our setbacks. Being able to adapt to challenges, cope with adversity and recover from difficulties is a skill many of us wish to have. Here are some tips to help you build your RESILIENCE. 

 

R Reflect on your performance objectively. What worked? What went wrong? What needs improving? If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Setbacks can feel personal so staying objective and looking at things from the observer’s perspective can help you see things rationally and logically, without getting emotional.

E End goal Keep your eyes on the prize and keep going. Don’t lose sight of your goal and what matters to you because if it really matters, you will find the strength and motivation to achieve it. Most highly successful people failed on numerous occasions before they accomplished their goals. What often determines their success is the refusal to give up when they face obstacles; instead they find a way to overcome them. Knowing what it is you aspire to achieve and wanting it with every part of your body will help you carry on when things get tough.

S Strengths When things are not going our way, it is easy to concentrate on negatives and our weaknesses. In those moments arises the perfect opportunity to remind yourself about your strengths and triumphs and acknowledge your progress, however small it may be. Draw on your strong points, be kind to yourself, challenge your negative thinking and remember that if you have been resourceful before, you have it in you to be resourceful again.

I Internal dialog What do you say to yourself when you don’t succeed or get rejected? Is your language positive and encouraging or negative, unhelpful and demotivating? Language and the words you use really matter as they impact how you feel and how you behave so pay attention to your language and chose your words wisely.

L Learning What did you learn from the experience that you can use in the future? How can you use this knowledge to your advantage? Life throws lessons at us every day and sometimes the more we know, the more we realise how little we know which can be overwhelming. Learning never ends...just remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

I Interrupt the negative cycle Stress and worry are caused by how we perceive a situation, not the situation itself. The choice of how you respond to a situation will determine your outcome. Let’s say, you don’t get the job you interviewed for. If you respond by thinking you failed, you are not good enough, the way you will feel will be negative and hinder your confidence. If however you decide to respond more rationally by saying for example that although you were not successful, having an interview was good practice so I will be better prepared in the future or that there might have been other candidates who were more experienced etc, the way you feel about the situation will not be as negative as in the first scenario. In order to get out of the negative cycle, something needs to change, the cycle needs to be broken. Build awareness of your beliefs about a situation, because they will determine your action and results.

E Expectations Are your expectations realistic? What are the gaps (in your knowledge, experience etc.) you need to address? What / who is preventing you from achieving your goal? If your expectations are realistic, you are more likely to achieve your goals therefore have more confidence and motivation to take action.

N Network of people Think about the people around you. Who are your drainers and who are your fillers? Who do you need to see less? Who in your circle of acquaintances do you respect and would like to learn from? Surround yourself with people who support you and have positive impact on you, rather than those who drain your energy. Having someone who you can bounce ideas off and someone you can talk to can really help when you feel down.

C Count your blessings and practice gratitude. No matter how bad your situation is, there is always someone out there who is in a much worse situation than you are. Always! Look at it this way; there are people out there who wish they had your problems and your bad days. Rather than concentrating on how unlucky and unfortunate you are, take time to remind yourself how lucky you really are.

E Evaluate Thinking about all the above tips, as well your own ideas, ask yourself: If you were going to do one thing that would help you feel better about your situation, what would it be? What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I would like to leave you with this final thought by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams”.

The importance of resilience.

I’ve always admired those who are resilient, who can adapt and bounce back when things are not going their way.

People like Thomas Edison, James Dyson, Richard Branson and JK Rowling who we admire today, achieved great success because of their resilience and refusal to give up.

It is an inevitable part of our lives that we will make mistakes, are going to fail from time to time and the only way to avoid it seems to be living a very safe life, never trying to do anything new or take risks…but how many of us want to live this way?

Some people find it easier than others to recover from setbacks. According to psychologist Susan Kobasa, there are 3 essentials attitudes that support resilience:

Commitment - Resilient people know what they want and they are committed to their goals and aspirations, things and people that are important to them. They don’t get discouraged when things are not going according to their plan, instead, they concentrate on a positive image of the future.

Control - Resilient people focus on things that they have control over. They concentrate on present and future rather than focusing on their past (unless they use past experiences as a learning lesson for their future). People who dwell on past events which they can’t change and control, often think of themselves as victims, feel helpless and lost, and unable to get out of this unhelpful cycle.

Challenge – Resilient people see opportunities for growth and learning from their mistakes. They embrace change and see obstacles and failures as temporary setbacks and milestones that help them move forward rather than stopping them from achieving their goal.

Another characteristic that resilient people have in common is a positive outlook on their lives. Staying positive when things are working against you can be difficult, but staying optimistic about the future and finding positives even in the worst of circumstances is a very important part of resilience. Concentrating on negatives will not only not help you to move forward, but can also crush your confidence and belief in your abilities.

There are many things that you can do to work on building your resilience and some of them are:

Know what is that you want – Being clear on what you want to achieve will help you focus your attention on what matters to you. This will build your commitment to the task and your motivation to achieve your goal. The higher the motivation, the more determined you will be to achieve it so when you meet obstacles in your way, it will be easier to overcome them. Being flexible and able to adapt to change and unexpected situations is also an essential part of resilience.

Always improve your skills – Resilience is a skill that can be learnt. The more you get exposed to events and setbacks you need to overcome, the more chances you have to practice your resilience. Focus on improving skills that most resilient people have. Put yourself out of your comfort zone, learn from your mistakes, combat the challenges you face.

Build awareness of your language – The way we speak to ourselves has a huge impact on how we feel and how we behave. Negative thoughts and language can drain our energy and stifle our self belief and confidence, derailing us from progress therefore it is crucial to replace the negative monolog with positive self talk and thoughts. Confidence and self esteem have impact on the level of stress and your capability to recover from challenging events therefore remind yourself of your achievements, strengths and abilities, and build the courage to take the risks you need to move forward.

Look after yourself – Good health and wellbeing are fundamental to our mental and emotional resilience therefore integrating healthy diet, good quality sleep and exercise into your life will help you in coping with stress and will make you feel good.

Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, resistant to stress people – Having someone you can rely on, confide in and get support from in a difficult situation is very important. Sharing your concerns and having someone who can help you come up with solutions and bounce ideas off can be very encouraging.

Your response will determine your outcome –Each of us are faced with different choices on a daily basis. Two people can respond to the same situation very differently and it is the response that will determine whether the outcome is positive or negative. Resilient people tend to look for positives in every situation; they remain calm and collected under pressure so adopting this behaviour will help to build your own resilience.

Develop the curiosity and courage to go for what matters to you. Everyone at some point falls down, but those who win always stand up again!