Don't Drift – Tackle The Unfinished Business of 2019!

The end of the year is fast approaching, in fact, only 41 days left until the end of 2019!

A lot of people will wait until the end of December to reflect and take stock of their achievements and then leave it until January to set goals for 2020 and I ask, why wait?

There are still 41 days left of 2019, so there are still many chances to tackle any unfinished business and finish the year on a high rather than feeling defeated or disappointed that you've given up at the last hurdle.

This reflection exercise is equally effective when done as an individual or as a team.

Asking yourself some relevant questions may help to gain perspective on your progress (both personal and professional) and prepare you to think about your next steps and new goals.

So, first things first....

What goals did you set for yourself this year? I am sorry to be blunt, but if you don't remember what they were, then they probably weren't that important unless your priorities have changed?

What went well?

What tangible achievements / personal milestones / progress are you proud of?

What hasn't gone according to plan?

What still needs to happen?

What other steps do you need to take for you to be pleased with the progress you made towards your goals?

What has been the most valuable lesson you've learnt this year?

Who do you need to give thanks to? (For example, who has been your biggest supporter, who has been pivotal in helping achieving your goals?)

Giving some thought and time to answer the above questions can help you bring focus and gear you up for 2020, so don't leave it until the final countdown of 2019...go on, do it now!

6 tips for motivation in challenging times

It can be challenging to stay motivated and focused in times of change and during
setbacks. Sometimes you may need a little boost. We all have our ways to deal with flagging motivation. Below I’m sharing some strategies of cultivating mine.

1. Bring awareness to your thoughts and feelings

There is a strong connection between our thoughts, feelings and motivation. If you
feel down, or are thinking unhelpful thoughts it is highly unlikely you will feel
motivated. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and how they manifest
themselves is a great starting point for recognising what needs to change. Unless
you are aware of how your emotions impact your mood and motivation (both
positively and negatively) , it will be difficult for you to control them. Pay
attention to what is the trigger that fires off these emotions and how you respond
to that trigger. Awareness is power as it gives you the control to choose how you
respond. Is your response helping you or hindering you?

2. Accept how you feel

It is ok to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, demotivated, stressed, anxious etc.
We are only human and it is normal for our emotions to flag every now and again.
Rather that dismissing how we feel, bottling up your emotions and sweeping them
under the metaphorical carpet, acknowledge, validate and accept them. If these
emotions are not serving you, then ask yourself, what emotions do I want to feel
instead? What can you do to tap into the emotions you want to feel?

3. What is within your control?

Sometimes we can’t change situations that affect us but we are always in control
of our reaction to any situation. Our reaction (either positive or negative) will lead
to either positive or negative consequences. Sometimes our emotions hijack our
thinking and actions, so before you react, take a deep breath and take a logical
stance on the situation. Focusing your energy on things that you can control rather
than things you can’t will help you sustain your motivation.

4. Reframe your thoughts

Once you recognise that you are thinking unhelpful thoughts try to reframe them
and “flip” them into positives. Using logic, disputing irrational thoughts and
asking questions can help.
Let’s say you were unsuccessful in a job interview for your dream job. The likelihood is that you will feel pretty demotivated, so try and look for positives in this situation.
Ask yourself some logical questions based on the situation you are in.
“What positives came out of this situation?” examples could be: I really stepped
out of my comfort zone and had an opportunity to practice my interview skills or I
learnt questions I hadn’t expected so next time I will be better prepared etc.
“What have I learnt from this experience?” I need to practice X skills more or I
need to work on my nerves and body language etc.
Reframing helps you put events and circumstances into a different context that is
more resourceful and favourable. Sometimes looking for positives in a negative
situation can be challenging and it may feel forced to start with, but at the same
time, it can really shift the way you look at things. There is a great quote by
Wayne Dyer that sums this really well: “When you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at change”

5. Walk it off

Quite literally! Exercise and movement helps to clear your mind and gain focus. If
exercise is not your thing, then find a healthy outlet that works for you:  writing,
meditation, reading, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, listening to music,
podcasts or anything that would help you remain positive and motivated.

6. Tap into other peoples’ energy

There are two types of people:  drainers and fillers. Drainers literally suck out all
the energy out of you. They focus on negative, things that go wrong , they blame
others for their situation. Fillers energise you. They take responsibility for their
actions, they look at the positive - they are the glass full type of people. If your
motivation is flagging, surround yourself with positive thinkers who emanate
positive energy and make you feel good.

So, what keeps you motivated? I would love to hear from you.

Sharing is caring…Do share your thoughts, tips and pass it on to anyone who can
benefit from this article.

ls the grass always greener on the other side?

We live in a day and age where our lives are much more exposed and in the open than ever before. The power of social media often offers us a glorified, enhanced and filtered version of one’s life which might be just a fraction of what is happening in reality.

Seeing others doing well, having a better job, great partner and circle of friends, gorgeous, big and always tidy house, going on amazing holidays and so on, may make us put more pressure on ourselves to change things for the better or strive for more, which in some cases may turn out be a good motivator. In other cases this pressure can demotivate us, make us question our abilities, look for imperfections in our lives and effectively impact our mental health. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and constant lack of satisfaction which can lead to negative feelings, envy or loss of confidence and motivation.

So what are some ways we could deal with it?

Accept your reality

Maybe the best way to start is actually accepting our reality. You may not be 100% happy with it, but it is your reality and you are the only one responsible for it and the only one who can take action to improve or change it.

Practice gratitude

Sometimes bad and unfortunate events make us realise how fortunate and lucky we actually are, but rather than waiting to have this realisation it might be worth taking time to think about what we have rather than what’s missing. Sometimes life tests us and puts roadblocks in our way but I hope you will agree that most of us experience difficulties at some point. What divides us is how we deal with adversity when it happens. Some bounce back and some give up or blame others for their misfortune. No matter how bad your day or life is, there are probably people out there who would love to be in your shoes and have your bad days.

Mental workout

Just like the muscles in our body need exercise to make them strong and toned, our mind needs positive input and thoughts to stay healthy and strong. Build awareness of your thoughts and start neglecting the thoughts that make you feel bad, and increase those that make you feel good. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but one thing is certain, practice makes perfect.

Stop comparing

We are all different, we all have different values, goals and different circumstances.

We create our perception based on what we see and hear despite the fact that our impressions are not always accurate and pixels don't always reflect reality. People rarely share things that go wrong or make them unhappy.

Only those who lead their own life know the truth. A study conducted by the University of Utah actually found that young people's satisfaction about their own lives declined the more they looked at Facebook. If comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior, then that's not going to make you feel good about yourself and your situation.

Is the comparison worth sacrificing your mental state?

So is the grass actually greener on the other side?

Maybe it is time to start watering your own lawn, as the grass will only be as green as you make it.

5 steps to take control over your limiting beliefs

Unhelpful beliefs are very powerful and not only can stop us from using our potential and achieving our goals, shape our decisions, but also can make us feel powerless and can be devastating to our confidence, self-esteem and state of mind.  There is no one magic formula of what to do to beat your limiting beliefs as different solutions will work for different people but there are some steps you could take to start taking control over them. Here are 5 steps that I and my clients often follow:

Recognise it

Building awareness of what your limiting beliefs are and when they creep up is a starting point. You can’t change something you are not aware of. Once you bring to the front of your mind what reoccurring thoughts are having negative impact on you, you will most likely start catching yourself subconsciously the moment those beliefs appear. When you do, try to make a record of how often during the day you talk yourself down.

Strip it down

Limiting beliefs all stem from fear and are simply a mechanism to try and protect us. Even though they can be unhelpful, they often serve us a higher purpose. Although we might want to let go of them, there might be a reason (often we are not aware of) that makes us hold onto them.  Sometimes we hold onto them because we believe they protect us from disappointment, criticism, hurt or failure.  Wanting to let go of the limiting beliefs and at the same time holding on to them can cause ambivalence, discomfort, an internal conflict and frustration therefore it is useful to build understanding and establishing what is the reason behind it. Take a moment and ask yourself:

What is the purpose of that belief?

What does this belief give you?

What impact letting go of this belief would have on you/ your life?

Letting go of beliefs that have been with us for a long time, especially those deep rooted beliefs formed in childhood is not easy and can take a lot of time.  You can however learn how to manage them and use strategies to prevent them from holding you hostage.

What is the trigger?

So you’ve established what and why, now let’s look at when...

What is the trigger that makes your unhelpful belief pop up? Is it a thought, a person, an action, a place or something else that activates your belief? When does it usually happen? Is there a pattern or a cycle you fall into? What would be the first step you can take to change it? 

Look for evidence

How old is your belief?

What is the evidence it is true?

What is the evidence it is NOT true?

Often, when we strongly believe something, we tend to look for things that confirm we are right rather than looking for things that prove us wrong. If you have been sabotaging yourself or established a habit of looking for things that prove you right, then I encourage you to think twice as hard about as many situations and evidence that prove that you may be mistaken.

Reframe it

Once you find evidence that have shaken up your old beliefs, create new positive beliefs in place of your old unhelpful ones. If your belief is “I am not good enough to ... (for example) get this job” you may change it with “I have a lot of skills and strengths  I can offer” or “The more I learn / prepare / believe in myself, the more chance I have got to get this job” or “other people can do it, so can I”.  Choose a new, personal statement that works for you. Repeat it as much as you can. If you are a frequent “talking myself down” person, then it is likely it may feel unnatural and fake to suddenly change your talk and habits (even if backed up by evidence) but in order to get results, you have to put some work in. It’s all good to have a positive statement but if you don’t do anything with it, then don’t expect great results.

It is totally natural to have believes that limit us and work against us but no belief has any meaning until we give it a meaning so be mindful of not falling into the trap of creating beliefs that hinder your potential.

Sharing is caring...

Share your thoughts or your tips for taking control over unhelpful beliefs. Also, feel free to share this blog with others who might find it beneficial. 

“Prioritise your priorities”

 

You know how it works... at this time of the year people make half-hearted New Year resolutions through some sense of tradition and thinking that it is “the done thing”, without fully committing to making the necessary steps to achieve their goals. Therefore most people allow these goals to quickly fall by the wayside.

Goal setting shouldn’t be restricted to your January to-do list, but instead should be on your agenda throughout the year. It doesn’t have to be about one big fresh start, but it can be about attainable goals and taking small steps to help you actually achieve what really matters to you.

With too many things on our mind, it is often hard to know what to focus on and it is easy to lose sight of what is important to us. You cannot hit a target you cannot see, so to help you figure out your goals and priorities you might want to ask yourself the questions below. Before you do though... grab yourself a pen and paper, sit in a quiet corner with no distractions and off we go!

1) Think about your life. What things matter to you right now that you would like to change?

Write them down and put them in order of priority. Tackle each one at a time.

2) What actions do you need to take to draw you closer to your goal?

Be realistic and specific with order, dates, time of completion etc.

3) Which action will have the most impact or contribute to your success the most?

4) Write down: “The consequences of me not taking this action are..."

5) What obstacles are in your way and how can you overcome them?

Now that you thought about your goals and priorities all that is left to do is to take action. Action speaks louder than words. Before you know it with a little bit of commitment and determination, taking small steps will lead to a bigger goal and the change you want.

 

10 confidence killers and how to avoid them.

 

Some people are blessed with natural confidence, but the rest of us sometimes need to work on it. Below are 10 possible confidence pitfalls to recognise and avoid.

Negativity around you

 What I mean by that is things we are exposed to, things we read, watch, people we hang out with.  Unless you are very resilient, staying positive and confident around negativity can prove a challenge in itself. If you restrict seeing people in your life that make you feel negative, that doesn’t mean that you don’t like them. It just means that you respect yourself.

Language you use

There is tons of evidence that language can impact how we feel and behave. If you feed your mind with negative language, don’t expect to feel positive, motivated and confident. Build your awareness of what language you feed your mind with. Is your language generally empowering and positive, or weak and disempowering? Do you say to yourself “I am not good enough”, “I don’t deserve it” or alternatively “I know I can do it” and “I feel good about myself”.  Once you are aware of your narrative, you can work on improving it and increase your confidence.

Body language

You can tell a lot from looking at someone’s body language. You don’t have to be an expert in body language to tell just by observing someone’s body posture, eye contact or lack of, and handshake whether they are self conscious or confident. Similar to language, body language has a huge impact on how we feel and act. If you want to feel more confident, change your posture to reflect confidence. Take your eyes off the floor, smile, breathe deeply, have upright posture with shoulders back. Making these small changes can make a huge difference to your confidence as well as how others perceive you. 

Worrying about things you have no control over

It’s normal to worry sometimes. Unfortunately most people worry about the past and future and things you have no way of controlling. I even know people who worry about worrying. You are not going to feel good and confident if you worry, especially about things you have no control over. You have no control over your past and future (to some extent) but you are the only one who can control your emotions and how you react to a situation. Your attitude determines your aptitude!

Not treating mistakes and failures as learning

Going back to the previous point, how you react to a situation will determine your results. Let’s say you’ve just received a phone call saying that you didn’t get the job you had interviewed for. You have two choices. You either can react by saying: “I am such a failure”, “I am just not good enough”, “I am never going to get this job” etc. Or by saying: “Never mind, at least I had a chance to practice my interview skills”, “Next time I will be better prepared”. Failure is an on going process and if we are growing and taking risks, then failing isn’t abnormal. Your mistakes, but most importantly your attitude can either break you or make you stronger. The choice is yours alone!

Beliefs

Some people are more confident than others and one thing that distinguishes confident people from those who lack confidence are their beliefs about themselves and their capabilities. They take responsibility for their thoughts and don’t allow negative beliefs compromise their confidence. Those who lack confidence often react to their limiting beliefs with feelings and emotions rather than react rationally. They talk themselves into believing in whatever they choose, even when it’s harmful rather than helpful. As Henry Ford used to say “Whether you think you can, or you can’t – you are right” so pay attention to which beliefs are getting most of your energy.

Perfectionism

There is nothing wrong in striving for perfection. It only becomes a problem if you can’t move on or take action because you are bogged down with details and things that you think are not good enough. When do you stop listening to your inner critic? Where do you draw the line? If you don’t trust yourself to do something because of your perfectionism, then you are not going to feel confident. Confident people take action not because they think they are always right, but because they are not afraid of being wrong. Don’t let the fear of taking action prevent you from taking any action at all.

Always staying in your comfort zone

You can be amazing at what you do but even if you only do what you are amazing at you can lose your confidence in doing other things. Most of us prefer to stay in a comfortable, secure place, doing things we know rather than stretch ourselves to do things that challenge us. The more you push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone, the more it will expand each time you do. Challenge yourself, even if it’s not pleasant to start with, increase your flexibility and confidence a little more every day. What’s the worst that could happen?

Resisting change

Whether you love or hate change, the chances are at some point you will be exposed to it. Change is only bad if you believe it is bad. If you are not happy about whatever is happening in your life and if you avoid change, things will stay the same. To get different results, outcomes and feelings, we need to try something different. Work on developing your flexibility and positive outlook about change so you feel confident to approach it when it strikes.

Worrying about what others would say

People have their opinions about things and people, just like you have your opinion about others. Confident people don’t let the opinion of others define what they can or can’t do. They know that people don’t always agree on things, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Confident people listen to their intuition and trust themselves, rather than taking negative comments made by others too personally or trying to impress others. Concentrate on building quality relationships with people who support you, trust you and respect you and the opinions of those who don’t really matter to you will become less important. 

“Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable” Walt Disney

 

10 questions to ask yourself to increase motivation.

 

Questions are very powerful in helping to point us towards our purpose, maintaining focus and influencing motivation.

 

 

Everyone has some triggers that help them maintain their motivation. As we are all different, the same strategies and tips may not work for everyone. That’s why it is so important to ask yourself questions and figure out what works for you. 

 

 

What are my reasons for wanting to achieve my goal?

 

 

Taking a step back to think about what makes your goal important to you is a good place to start. It is important to remind yourself what matters to you. Our values are our motivators, so by exploring your values you will be able to tap into your motivation.

 

 

What steps do I need to take to move closer to my goal?

 

 

Big goals can be overwhelming and decrease your motivation. Breaking your goal into small, manageable steps can help you focus, but also will help you take small actions towards your objectives. Seeing progression and results can also greatly boost your motivation.

 

 

What would be the consequences of not being motivated to achieve my goal?

 

 

Some people are more motivated by consequences of not achieving something and the negative impact it may have on them rather that the benefits of achieving it. If you are one of those people, this question may resonate with you very much.

 

 

What stops or reduces my motivation?

 

 

Building awareness about what helps and hinders your motivation is crucial. If you are aware of what it is you need to change, you can take action to make those changes.

 

 

What obstacles or barriers may I face that will sabotage my motivation?

 

 

You know yourself better than anyone else. You know the thoughts you are having, limiting beliefs that may creep up every now and again and sabotage your motivation. Recognise those obstacles and deal with them one by one.

 

 

How can I overcome those obstacles?

 

 

What can you do to overcome the barriers and obstacles standing in the way of your motivation? Being aware of what may stop your motivation will help you determine what you can do to avoid it.

 

 

What habits can I create to increase my motivation?

 

 

It is much harder to break old bad habits and patterns of thinking than creating new positive habits. To give you an example, think of a big tree with strong and deep roots in the ground. That tree has been watered and conditioned for years. It will be impossible to pull the tree out without any additional support no matter how hard you try. It is much easier though to plant new seeds and give your new tree plenty of water, sunshine and nutrition to ensure it grows healthy and strong. At the same time, if you starve the old tree from sunlight and water, eventually your old tree will become weaker and its roots will dry out.

 

 

What tangible reminders do I need to see to stay motivated?

 

Having visual prompts, pictures, cues can really help in reminding you what it is what you want or don’t want. For example, sticking a picture on the fridge of yourself 1 stone heavier may help you stay motivated to keep weight off and continue your diet. When you are most likely to give in to your impulses and cravings tangible reminders can help to interrupt the impulse and keep you on track.

 

 

Who can support me?

 

 

Having a support network and being accountable to someone can increase your motivation. Being able to share your successes, ideas, concerns and talking things through can help you keep your enthusiasm and motivation up.

 

How will I reward myself?

 

Knowing that there is a reward or treat for your efforts can help you stay motivated.

 

 

Taking a relatively small amount of time to ask yourself and answer these simple questions could help you achieve your goals much more quickly and efficiently. You can head towards your objectives with your eyes open, ready to deal with any barriers that come along the way.

Why don't New Year's resolutions work?

Another year is upon us. Apparently about half of us make New Year’s resolutions each year. Some of us already joined the gym , others have started a diet or maybe some have given up smoking...

So why do so many of us wait until the beginning of the year to decide to do something about whatever we are unhappy with, be it our health, weight, well being, productivity... Is it the guilt of too much food eaten over Christmas, or maybe the pressure set by everyone else setting NY resolutions or maybe it’s an excuse to reinvent yourself with a fresh start to the year? Whatever it is... I am sorry but I may disappoint you when I tell you that according to research, more than half of you will fail your New Year’s resolutions by Valentine’s Day.

So let’s take a closer look at why it is that New Year's resolutions don’t work.

Is your goal too big?

The excitement of the new year, fresh start, new beginning, you name it, may make us often set over ambitious and unrealistic goals. We want to make so many changes, want to quit smoking, find a partner, or we want to loose weight, so we buy a running kit, gym membership and set an ambitious target of going to the gym every day or at least 5 times a week etc. Then life gets in the way and our plans and resolutions may start to crumble, so don’t only rely on your will power. Instead, break down your goals into realistic and manageable pieces. You wouldn’t eat an elephant in one piece, would you? To loose weight start taking the stairs, walk instead of driving when you can, cut down on biscuits or chocolate. Sometimes smaller steps may lead to big change faster than you think. By all means, do your exercise 5 times a week, but if you fail, don’t give up and wait until next January to set yourself new goals. Just continue with small actions, make progress towards your goals, as then you are much more likely to succeed.

Is your goal truly and deeply important to you?

Sometimes we may fall into a trap of setting goals that are not truly ours as we get influenced by other people’s goals. What are your reasons for getting fitter? What makes it so important for you to loose weight? What are the benefits of finding a new job?

The moment you understand the importance and your own reasons for change, the more committed you become to achieving your goal. So take time to think and reflect on what really matters to you, as the time you invest in this self reflection will pay back with the motivation to achieve what matters to you most.

Do not think about a big yellow gorilla!

I asked you, DO NOT think about a big yellow gorilla and what did you do? Even if you have a very strong mental control, most likely an image of a big yellow gorilla popped into your head. Why? Because our subconscious doesn’t differentiate “do” and “don’t”. It concentrates on the object (in this case a big yellow gorilla) making it hard to resist not thinking and imagining the object in question.

So what does this have to do with New Years’ resolutions?

We often concentrate on things we don’t want rather than on things we do want. By trying to resist thinking about things we want to avoid, be it chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes, we actually attract the thoughts of things we want to get rid of in the first place.

Solution?

If you have a habit or behaviour you would like to change, make your goals, resolutions affirmative and positive. Instead of “I don’t want to be single” wish for “I want to be in a happy relationship” or “I won’t drink alcohol on weekdays” aim for “My weekly diet consist of healthy food and drink”. Remember we get what we focus on!

So if you want to do or change something, don’t wait until New Year. There is never too late or too early to set yourself goals.

Why to-do lists don't work

We all have our own methods and tools that help us to stay focused, motivated and productive. One of those might be a “to-do list”. There are a lot of benefits of having a list of things to remind you what you need to do, helping you prioritise your tasks and give you a sense of achievement when you tick off achieved tasks.

Recently I came across a few interesting articles and some research that indicates that to-do lists can be overwhelming, ineffective and can leave you feeling demotivated and pressurised.

Emotions play an essential role in how we think and solve problems. They impact our motivation and productivity, therefore if those emotions are negative, they will narrow our thinking, creativity, memory and efficiency. Positive feelings on the other hand will increase our intrinsic motivation, whilst improving cognitive flexibility and analytical skills.

According to data collected by a company called iDoneThis, 41% of to-do list items never get done and only 15% of completed tasks were ever on a to-do list in the first place, so therefore there will always be unfinished tasks on your list. Furthermore, because there are often incomplete items on your list, it can be seen as a nagging tool provoking anxiety, feelings of failure and worry that you have not accomplished what you set yourself to do.

Software pioneer, Marc Andreessen suggests the substitution of a to-do list with what he calls an anti to-do list, or if you will a ‘Done List’. Rather than having a list of things to do, replace it with a record of your daily accomplishments instead. Recording your wins and achievements will create a rush of endorphins, increase your energy levels, motivation and give you a sense of satisfaction from completed tasks.

You may think that there is no point writing a list of things that you have already completed, but as research testifies, spending few minutes reflecting on your day and writing down your accomplishments will make you appreciate progress that would have otherwise gone unrecognized and will improve your ability to plan going forward. Making progress (even small wins) will also fuel your drive and engagement, boosting your energy and motivation, leaving you more productive. Additional study from Harvard Business School also suggests that setting aside 15 minutes of reflection at the end of each working day can make you better at your job and lead to better performance due to a boost in self-efficacy. Writing things down identifies what was helpful as well as providing a visual stimulus that will create positive feelings.

Everyone is different and some people probably will not be able to work without a to-do list, whereas for others, a list may not work. Whether you decide to use a to-do list or not, I think there is a real benefit in taking time to think about your day and celebrate your achievements. Just make an appointment with yourself, or if you'd rather put it on your list of things to do... :)

The importance of resilience.

I’ve always admired those who are resilient, who can adapt and bounce back when things are not going their way.

People like Thomas Edison, James Dyson, Richard Branson and JK Rowling who we admire today, achieved great success because of their resilience and refusal to give up.

It is an inevitable part of our lives that we will make mistakes, are going to fail from time to time and the only way to avoid it seems to be living a very safe life, never trying to do anything new or take risks…but how many of us want to live this way?

Some people find it easier than others to recover from setbacks. According to psychologist Susan Kobasa, there are 3 essentials attitudes that support resilience:

Commitment - Resilient people know what they want and they are committed to their goals and aspirations, things and people that are important to them. They don’t get discouraged when things are not going according to their plan, instead, they concentrate on a positive image of the future.

Control - Resilient people focus on things that they have control over. They concentrate on present and future rather than focusing on their past (unless they use past experiences as a learning lesson for their future). People who dwell on past events which they can’t change and control, often think of themselves as victims, feel helpless and lost, and unable to get out of this unhelpful cycle.

Challenge – Resilient people see opportunities for growth and learning from their mistakes. They embrace change and see obstacles and failures as temporary setbacks and milestones that help them move forward rather than stopping them from achieving their goal.

Another characteristic that resilient people have in common is a positive outlook on their lives. Staying positive when things are working against you can be difficult, but staying optimistic about the future and finding positives even in the worst of circumstances is a very important part of resilience. Concentrating on negatives will not only not help you to move forward, but can also crush your confidence and belief in your abilities.

There are many things that you can do to work on building your resilience and some of them are:

Know what is that you want – Being clear on what you want to achieve will help you focus your attention on what matters to you. This will build your commitment to the task and your motivation to achieve your goal. The higher the motivation, the more determined you will be to achieve it so when you meet obstacles in your way, it will be easier to overcome them. Being flexible and able to adapt to change and unexpected situations is also an essential part of resilience.

Always improve your skills – Resilience is a skill that can be learnt. The more you get exposed to events and setbacks you need to overcome, the more chances you have to practice your resilience. Focus on improving skills that most resilient people have. Put yourself out of your comfort zone, learn from your mistakes, combat the challenges you face.

Build awareness of your language – The way we speak to ourselves has a huge impact on how we feel and how we behave. Negative thoughts and language can drain our energy and stifle our self belief and confidence, derailing us from progress therefore it is crucial to replace the negative monolog with positive self talk and thoughts. Confidence and self esteem have impact on the level of stress and your capability to recover from challenging events therefore remind yourself of your achievements, strengths and abilities, and build the courage to take the risks you need to move forward.

Look after yourself – Good health and wellbeing are fundamental to our mental and emotional resilience therefore integrating healthy diet, good quality sleep and exercise into your life will help you in coping with stress and will make you feel good.

Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, resistant to stress people – Having someone you can rely on, confide in and get support from in a difficult situation is very important. Sharing your concerns and having someone who can help you come up with solutions and bounce ideas off can be very encouraging.

Your response will determine your outcome –Each of us are faced with different choices on a daily basis. Two people can respond to the same situation very differently and it is the response that will determine whether the outcome is positive or negative. Resilient people tend to look for positives in every situation; they remain calm and collected under pressure so adopting this behaviour will help to build your own resilience.

Develop the curiosity and courage to go for what matters to you. Everyone at some point falls down, but those who win always stand up again!

Time to reassess your priorities?

It has been a while since I’ve written anything. This year has been truly life changing for me and it’s been very busy at the same time. As some of you may know, I gave birth at the end of January to my lovely son Tomas. I also got married at the beginning of October so it definitely has been a very hectic and exciting year so far.

I have to admit that as much as I love, and continue coaching and helping others to improve their lives, my primary focus and priorities for the last year have been elsewhere….

Priorities are usually strongly connected to our value system, therefore what is important to us determines our priorities and what actions we take. Our actions speak for themselves, so if you notice that you are not taking action, maybe you should take time to review your priorities?

Our values and priorities change over time, but what is interesting is the fact that we tend to stop, question and look more deeply at the things that matter to us in light of a big life event such as illness, birth of a child, divorce, redundancy… Usually, when these things take place, people start appreciating their life more, start spending more quality time with family and friends, and look after their health more, but why does it take something major to happen before we take the time to think about what is important to us? Why do we get so immersed in things around us that actually are not that important? Maybe if we took more time to set our priorities correctly, we would place more attention and energy where it belongs and take action to improve our life and live the life we want to live.

So if you have lost your motivation, or noticed that you are drifting away from one or more of your core values, or simply haven’t taken action in the area of life that is important to you, then maybe this can be a good time to review your values and priorities?

Here is an exercise to look at what matters to you and to help you to gain alignment with what truly matters.

1. Write a list of the most important aspects of your life. These "aspects" will vary depending on your values and what matters to you in your life. Examples can be: Family, career, health / fitness, spiritual growth, friendship, money, fun, travel etc. Out of all the “aspects” of life you listed, which ones are the most important to you?

2. Make a list of the things you spend most of your time doing and thinking about. Now, be honest with yourself even if you are not proud of the activities and thoughts you focus on. Take inventory of your day today (as well as the past few days, weeks and months) and make a list of what you spend your time and attention on. Does it correlate with your values and priorities?

3. Compare the two lists and see how you can get them even more aligned. Don’t get discouraged if you notice that the lists are not very compatible. Instead spend some time investigating what you want to eliminate from your agenda and what you can do to spend your time and energy on what really matters to you!

What determines success?

Recently I attended the National Achievers Congress which took place in London between 2-4th July 2011. The event was very motivating, thought provoking and left me wondering what it is that makes some people more successful than others? The event welcomed 15 speakers including Tony Robbins, Lord Alan Sugar, and Sir Richard Branson, to name a few…

Each speaker shared their story and nuggets of wisdom and although many were from different countries and cultures, different backgrounds and had different aspirations, I have come to realise that there are a few things that all of these speakers have in common.

VISION

Everything starts with a dream, vision or a goal.

Knowing exactly your goal not only keeps one focused on the end result but also helps to keep one motivated. If you do not know where you are going, how will you know when you get there? The more detailed and clear goal one has, the easier it will be to achieve it. Once you know your goal, you can start working on it.

DETERMINATION

As powerful and successful as those speakers are and appear now, many of them have been at rock bottom at some point. Whether homeless, with no money or with a lack of formal education, they have managed to find a way out of that negative situation. Those daunting circumstances made them even more determined to improve their life and did not discourage them from dreaming big and achieving even bigger.

The words of George Bernard Shaw sum up very well one of the attributes of successful people. “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them”

CONFIDENCE

Successful people beam with confidence. You can see it in the way they walk, talk and look at you. They come across comfortable when speaking in front of thousands of people and doing things that seem impossible for a “normal human being”.

People often have the preconception that successful people have been always like this. In reality, this perception is far from the truth. Not everyone was born with a bundle of confidence or as a natural public speaker. A lot of the time successful people have had to learn confident body language, and master their tone of voice and eye contact. The approach of “fake it till you make it” is applied more often than many may think. However, successful people always believe in themselves, their abilities and their success. If you do not believe in yourself, you can not expect other people to believe you.

TAKING ACTION  

In order to achieve any task, one needs to take action. Be proactive, do not wait until everything is just right as you could miss out on a great opportunity. Assess what is the worst that can happen, trust your guts, be brave and take the plunge. If something goes wrong, at least you have tried and you will learn from your mistakes. Next time it can only be better.

NOT GIVING UP WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

Most successful people will have tasted failure at least once before they accomplish their success. The secret of their success is picking themselves up when things go wrong and trying again. Don’t be discouraged by obstacles along your way, consider what you have learnt, be flexible, be open to take different approaches and do not concentrate on negatives. Instead think of your shortfalls in positive terms, learn from them and have the courage and resilience to continue. As Thomas Edison once said, a lot of people do not realise how close they were to success when they give up.

The National Achievers Congress made me think a lot about people, human behaviour, peoples’ expectations and aspirations.

It is not about being successful or rich; it is about achieving what success means to you. Whether it is feeling more confident, getting on with your family, getting a new job… Whatever circumstance or part of your life you want to improve, bearing these pearls of wisdom in mind will be beneficial in achieving your own success.

If you are lost, stuck in a rut or you are not sure where to start and how to make that vision reality, a life coach can help you work with you on making your goal your reality.