“Prioritise your priorities”

 

You know how it works... at this time of the year people make half-hearted New Year resolutions through some sense of tradition and thinking that it is “the done thing”, without fully committing to making the necessary steps to achieve their goals. Therefore most people allow these goals to quickly fall by the wayside.

Goal setting shouldn’t be restricted to your January to-do list, but instead should be on your agenda throughout the year. It doesn’t have to be about one big fresh start, but it can be about attainable goals and taking small steps to help you actually achieve what really matters to you.

With too many things on our mind, it is often hard to know what to focus on and it is easy to lose sight of what is important to us. You cannot hit a target you cannot see, so to help you figure out your goals and priorities you might want to ask yourself the questions below. Before you do though... grab yourself a pen and paper, sit in a quiet corner with no distractions and off we go!

1) Think about your life. What things matter to you right now that you would like to change?

Write them down and put them in order of priority. Tackle each one at a time.

2) What actions do you need to take to draw you closer to your goal?

Be realistic and specific with order, dates, time of completion etc.

3) Which action will have the most impact or contribute to your success the most?

4) Write down: “The consequences of me not taking this action are..."

5) What obstacles are in your way and how can you overcome them?

Now that you thought about your goals and priorities all that is left to do is to take action. Action speaks louder than words. Before you know it with a little bit of commitment and determination, taking small steps will lead to a bigger goal and the change you want.

 

10 confidence killers and how to avoid them.

 

Some people are blessed with natural confidence, but the rest of us sometimes need to work on it. Below are 10 possible confidence pitfalls to recognise and avoid.

Negativity around you

 What I mean by that is things we are exposed to, things we read, watch, people we hang out with.  Unless you are very resilient, staying positive and confident around negativity can prove a challenge in itself. If you restrict seeing people in your life that make you feel negative, that doesn’t mean that you don’t like them. It just means that you respect yourself.

Language you use

There is tons of evidence that language can impact how we feel and behave. If you feed your mind with negative language, don’t expect to feel positive, motivated and confident. Build your awareness of what language you feed your mind with. Is your language generally empowering and positive, or weak and disempowering? Do you say to yourself “I am not good enough”, “I don’t deserve it” or alternatively “I know I can do it” and “I feel good about myself”.  Once you are aware of your narrative, you can work on improving it and increase your confidence.

Body language

You can tell a lot from looking at someone’s body language. You don’t have to be an expert in body language to tell just by observing someone’s body posture, eye contact or lack of, and handshake whether they are self conscious or confident. Similar to language, body language has a huge impact on how we feel and act. If you want to feel more confident, change your posture to reflect confidence. Take your eyes off the floor, smile, breathe deeply, have upright posture with shoulders back. Making these small changes can make a huge difference to your confidence as well as how others perceive you. 

Worrying about things you have no control over

It’s normal to worry sometimes. Unfortunately most people worry about the past and future and things you have no way of controlling. I even know people who worry about worrying. You are not going to feel good and confident if you worry, especially about things you have no control over. You have no control over your past and future (to some extent) but you are the only one who can control your emotions and how you react to a situation. Your attitude determines your aptitude!

Not treating mistakes and failures as learning

Going back to the previous point, how you react to a situation will determine your results. Let’s say you’ve just received a phone call saying that you didn’t get the job you had interviewed for. You have two choices. You either can react by saying: “I am such a failure”, “I am just not good enough”, “I am never going to get this job” etc. Or by saying: “Never mind, at least I had a chance to practice my interview skills”, “Next time I will be better prepared”. Failure is an on going process and if we are growing and taking risks, then failing isn’t abnormal. Your mistakes, but most importantly your attitude can either break you or make you stronger. The choice is yours alone!

Beliefs

Some people are more confident than others and one thing that distinguishes confident people from those who lack confidence are their beliefs about themselves and their capabilities. They take responsibility for their thoughts and don’t allow negative beliefs compromise their confidence. Those who lack confidence often react to their limiting beliefs with feelings and emotions rather than react rationally. They talk themselves into believing in whatever they choose, even when it’s harmful rather than helpful. As Henry Ford used to say “Whether you think you can, or you can’t – you are right” so pay attention to which beliefs are getting most of your energy.

Perfectionism

There is nothing wrong in striving for perfection. It only becomes a problem if you can’t move on or take action because you are bogged down with details and things that you think are not good enough. When do you stop listening to your inner critic? Where do you draw the line? If you don’t trust yourself to do something because of your perfectionism, then you are not going to feel confident. Confident people take action not because they think they are always right, but because they are not afraid of being wrong. Don’t let the fear of taking action prevent you from taking any action at all.

Always staying in your comfort zone

You can be amazing at what you do but even if you only do what you are amazing at you can lose your confidence in doing other things. Most of us prefer to stay in a comfortable, secure place, doing things we know rather than stretch ourselves to do things that challenge us. The more you push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone, the more it will expand each time you do. Challenge yourself, even if it’s not pleasant to start with, increase your flexibility and confidence a little more every day. What’s the worst that could happen?

Resisting change

Whether you love or hate change, the chances are at some point you will be exposed to it. Change is only bad if you believe it is bad. If you are not happy about whatever is happening in your life and if you avoid change, things will stay the same. To get different results, outcomes and feelings, we need to try something different. Work on developing your flexibility and positive outlook about change so you feel confident to approach it when it strikes.

Worrying about what others would say

People have their opinions about things and people, just like you have your opinion about others. Confident people don’t let the opinion of others define what they can or can’t do. They know that people don’t always agree on things, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Confident people listen to their intuition and trust themselves, rather than taking negative comments made by others too personally or trying to impress others. Concentrate on building quality relationships with people who support you, trust you and respect you and the opinions of those who don’t really matter to you will become less important. 

“Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable” Walt Disney

 

What determines success?

Recently I attended the National Achievers Congress which took place in London between 2-4th July 2011. The event was very motivating, thought provoking and left me wondering what it is that makes some people more successful than others? The event welcomed 15 speakers including Tony Robbins, Lord Alan Sugar, and Sir Richard Branson, to name a few…

Each speaker shared their story and nuggets of wisdom and although many were from different countries and cultures, different backgrounds and had different aspirations, I have come to realise that there are a few things that all of these speakers have in common.

VISION

Everything starts with a dream, vision or a goal.

Knowing exactly your goal not only keeps one focused on the end result but also helps to keep one motivated. If you do not know where you are going, how will you know when you get there? The more detailed and clear goal one has, the easier it will be to achieve it. Once you know your goal, you can start working on it.

DETERMINATION

As powerful and successful as those speakers are and appear now, many of them have been at rock bottom at some point. Whether homeless, with no money or with a lack of formal education, they have managed to find a way out of that negative situation. Those daunting circumstances made them even more determined to improve their life and did not discourage them from dreaming big and achieving even bigger.

The words of George Bernard Shaw sum up very well one of the attributes of successful people. “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them”

CONFIDENCE

Successful people beam with confidence. You can see it in the way they walk, talk and look at you. They come across comfortable when speaking in front of thousands of people and doing things that seem impossible for a “normal human being”.

People often have the preconception that successful people have been always like this. In reality, this perception is far from the truth. Not everyone was born with a bundle of confidence or as a natural public speaker. A lot of the time successful people have had to learn confident body language, and master their tone of voice and eye contact. The approach of “fake it till you make it” is applied more often than many may think. However, successful people always believe in themselves, their abilities and their success. If you do not believe in yourself, you can not expect other people to believe you.

TAKING ACTION  

In order to achieve any task, one needs to take action. Be proactive, do not wait until everything is just right as you could miss out on a great opportunity. Assess what is the worst that can happen, trust your guts, be brave and take the plunge. If something goes wrong, at least you have tried and you will learn from your mistakes. Next time it can only be better.

NOT GIVING UP WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

Most successful people will have tasted failure at least once before they accomplish their success. The secret of their success is picking themselves up when things go wrong and trying again. Don’t be discouraged by obstacles along your way, consider what you have learnt, be flexible, be open to take different approaches and do not concentrate on negatives. Instead think of your shortfalls in positive terms, learn from them and have the courage and resilience to continue. As Thomas Edison once said, a lot of people do not realise how close they were to success when they give up.

The National Achievers Congress made me think a lot about people, human behaviour, peoples’ expectations and aspirations.

It is not about being successful or rich; it is about achieving what success means to you. Whether it is feeling more confident, getting on with your family, getting a new job… Whatever circumstance or part of your life you want to improve, bearing these pearls of wisdom in mind will be beneficial in achieving your own success.

If you are lost, stuck in a rut or you are not sure where to start and how to make that vision reality, a life coach can help you work with you on making your goal your reality.