6 tips for motivation in challenging times

It can be challenging to stay motivated and focused in times of change and during
setbacks. Sometimes you may need a little boost. We all have our ways to deal with flagging motivation. Below I’m sharing some strategies of cultivating mine.

1. Bring awareness to your thoughts and feelings

There is a strong connection between our thoughts, feelings and motivation. If you
feel down, or are thinking unhelpful thoughts it is highly unlikely you will feel
motivated. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and how they manifest
themselves is a great starting point for recognising what needs to change. Unless
you are aware of how your emotions impact your mood and motivation (both
positively and negatively) , it will be difficult for you to control them. Pay
attention to what is the trigger that fires off these emotions and how you respond
to that trigger. Awareness is power as it gives you the control to choose how you
respond. Is your response helping you or hindering you?

2. Accept how you feel

It is ok to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, demotivated, stressed, anxious etc.
We are only human and it is normal for our emotions to flag every now and again.
Rather that dismissing how we feel, bottling up your emotions and sweeping them
under the metaphorical carpet, acknowledge, validate and accept them. If these
emotions are not serving you, then ask yourself, what emotions do I want to feel
instead? What can you do to tap into the emotions you want to feel?

3. What is within your control?

Sometimes we can’t change situations that affect us but we are always in control
of our reaction to any situation. Our reaction (either positive or negative) will lead
to either positive or negative consequences. Sometimes our emotions hijack our
thinking and actions, so before you react, take a deep breath and take a logical
stance on the situation. Focusing your energy on things that you can control rather
than things you can’t will help you sustain your motivation.

4. Reframe your thoughts

Once you recognise that you are thinking unhelpful thoughts try to reframe them
and “flip” them into positives. Using logic, disputing irrational thoughts and
asking questions can help.
Let’s say you were unsuccessful in a job interview for your dream job. The likelihood is that you will feel pretty demotivated, so try and look for positives in this situation.
Ask yourself some logical questions based on the situation you are in.
“What positives came out of this situation?” examples could be: I really stepped
out of my comfort zone and had an opportunity to practice my interview skills or I
learnt questions I hadn’t expected so next time I will be better prepared etc.
“What have I learnt from this experience?” I need to practice X skills more or I
need to work on my nerves and body language etc.
Reframing helps you put events and circumstances into a different context that is
more resourceful and favourable. Sometimes looking for positives in a negative
situation can be challenging and it may feel forced to start with, but at the same
time, it can really shift the way you look at things. There is a great quote by
Wayne Dyer that sums this really well: “When you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at change”

5. Walk it off

Quite literally! Exercise and movement helps to clear your mind and gain focus. If
exercise is not your thing, then find a healthy outlet that works for you:  writing,
meditation, reading, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, listening to music,
podcasts or anything that would help you remain positive and motivated.

6. Tap into other peoples’ energy

There are two types of people:  drainers and fillers. Drainers literally suck out all
the energy out of you. They focus on negative, things that go wrong , they blame
others for their situation. Fillers energise you. They take responsibility for their
actions, they look at the positive - they are the glass full type of people. If your
motivation is flagging, surround yourself with positive thinkers who emanate
positive energy and make you feel good.

So, what keeps you motivated? I would love to hear from you.

Sharing is caring…Do share your thoughts, tips and pass it on to anyone who can
benefit from this article.

5 steps to take control over your limiting beliefs

Unhelpful beliefs are very powerful and not only can stop us from using our potential and achieving our goals, shape our decisions, but also can make us feel powerless and can be devastating to our confidence, self-esteem and state of mind.  There is no one magic formula of what to do to beat your limiting beliefs as different solutions will work for different people but there are some steps you could take to start taking control over them. Here are 5 steps that I and my clients often follow:

Recognise it

Building awareness of what your limiting beliefs are and when they creep up is a starting point. You can’t change something you are not aware of. Once you bring to the front of your mind what reoccurring thoughts are having negative impact on you, you will most likely start catching yourself subconsciously the moment those beliefs appear. When you do, try to make a record of how often during the day you talk yourself down.

Strip it down

Limiting beliefs all stem from fear and are simply a mechanism to try and protect us. Even though they can be unhelpful, they often serve us a higher purpose. Although we might want to let go of them, there might be a reason (often we are not aware of) that makes us hold onto them.  Sometimes we hold onto them because we believe they protect us from disappointment, criticism, hurt or failure.  Wanting to let go of the limiting beliefs and at the same time holding on to them can cause ambivalence, discomfort, an internal conflict and frustration therefore it is useful to build understanding and establishing what is the reason behind it. Take a moment and ask yourself:

What is the purpose of that belief?

What does this belief give you?

What impact letting go of this belief would have on you/ your life?

Letting go of beliefs that have been with us for a long time, especially those deep rooted beliefs formed in childhood is not easy and can take a lot of time.  You can however learn how to manage them and use strategies to prevent them from holding you hostage.

What is the trigger?

So you’ve established what and why, now let’s look at when...

What is the trigger that makes your unhelpful belief pop up? Is it a thought, a person, an action, a place or something else that activates your belief? When does it usually happen? Is there a pattern or a cycle you fall into? What would be the first step you can take to change it? 

Look for evidence

How old is your belief?

What is the evidence it is true?

What is the evidence it is NOT true?

Often, when we strongly believe something, we tend to look for things that confirm we are right rather than looking for things that prove us wrong. If you have been sabotaging yourself or established a habit of looking for things that prove you right, then I encourage you to think twice as hard about as many situations and evidence that prove that you may be mistaken.

Reframe it

Once you find evidence that have shaken up your old beliefs, create new positive beliefs in place of your old unhelpful ones. If your belief is “I am not good enough to ... (for example) get this job” you may change it with “I have a lot of skills and strengths  I can offer” or “The more I learn / prepare / believe in myself, the more chance I have got to get this job” or “other people can do it, so can I”.  Choose a new, personal statement that works for you. Repeat it as much as you can. If you are a frequent “talking myself down” person, then it is likely it may feel unnatural and fake to suddenly change your talk and habits (even if backed up by evidence) but in order to get results, you have to put some work in. It’s all good to have a positive statement but if you don’t do anything with it, then don’t expect great results.

It is totally natural to have believes that limit us and work against us but no belief has any meaning until we give it a meaning so be mindful of not falling into the trap of creating beliefs that hinder your potential.

Sharing is caring...

Share your thoughts or your tips for taking control over unhelpful beliefs. Also, feel free to share this blog with others who might find it beneficial. 

“Prioritise your priorities”

 

You know how it works... at this time of the year people make half-hearted New Year resolutions through some sense of tradition and thinking that it is “the done thing”, without fully committing to making the necessary steps to achieve their goals. Therefore most people allow these goals to quickly fall by the wayside.

Goal setting shouldn’t be restricted to your January to-do list, but instead should be on your agenda throughout the year. It doesn’t have to be about one big fresh start, but it can be about attainable goals and taking small steps to help you actually achieve what really matters to you.

With too many things on our mind, it is often hard to know what to focus on and it is easy to lose sight of what is important to us. You cannot hit a target you cannot see, so to help you figure out your goals and priorities you might want to ask yourself the questions below. Before you do though... grab yourself a pen and paper, sit in a quiet corner with no distractions and off we go!

1) Think about your life. What things matter to you right now that you would like to change?

Write them down and put them in order of priority. Tackle each one at a time.

2) What actions do you need to take to draw you closer to your goal?

Be realistic and specific with order, dates, time of completion etc.

3) Which action will have the most impact or contribute to your success the most?

4) Write down: “The consequences of me not taking this action are..."

5) What obstacles are in your way and how can you overcome them?

Now that you thought about your goals and priorities all that is left to do is to take action. Action speaks louder than words. Before you know it with a little bit of commitment and determination, taking small steps will lead to a bigger goal and the change you want.

 

Fear exposed

Fear is known to us all. Throughout our lives, all of us have encountered or have been faced with fear, be it fear of the unknown, fear of failure or loss, fear of public speaking, or letting others down, fear of embarrassment or criticism, fear of spiders to name a few.

So what actually is fear?

Fear is a feeling, not a fact. It is as basic a human process as breathing or digestion. It is created by our imagination, our thoughts; it’s all in your mind. What you create on the inside becomes externalised.

Just imagine this scenario... You walk down a long, narrow alleyway. Beautiful, big trees stretch on both sides of the road. The sun is shining, it’s a beautiful morning. You are listening to some uplifting music and you are just enjoying the moment.

Now, let’s change the scenario slightly... You are walking home that evening from your friend’s house. You spent the evening together watching scary movies. You are walking along the same alleyway you had walked in the morning but this time it’s dark. Every time you pass next to a big tree, the tree’s shadow “follows” you. You start thinking to yourself... Is someone following me? You take your headphones off and suddenly you hear a noise but you can’t see anyone. You start walking faster ... What direction will your imagination lead you now? What are you likely to be thinking to yourself? Are your False Expectations Appearing Real?

Fear is the response to what our brain perceives as risk, threat or danger, whether it’s real or imagined. The response can be on a physiological level i.e. raising the heartbeat, sweating, funny tummy as well as psychological, like talking yourself into feeling more fearful. We learn to become fearful through life experiences, and even seeing others being fearful can also create fear in us.

How we react to fear can really impact our life and our future. Fear can steal joy and really limit our actions and hold us back from enjoying our lives and feeling good. It can interfere with our ability to thrive and by being fearful we may end up missing out on a lot of the opportunities that life has to offer. It’s the response to fear that will determine your outcome, whether you Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise... Some people get paralysed by fear while others strive and get motivated by fear. So why is that? What makes people react to fear so differently?

It can be a lot of different factors i.e. personality type and preferences, upbringing, our values and beliefs, experience, perseverance, approach and resistance to fear to name a few...

Fear however, is a personal experience. We all have different fears and levels at which fear affects us. One person might be petrified of something that another person is totally fine with. Let me share with you my fear…

When I was a little girl there was a very popular serial drama on TV called “Twin Peaks” created by David Lynch. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it was a very dark, twisted, surreal, supernatural, psychological show. It had a huge negative impact on me as I was petrified to watch it but at the same time I was determined to watch it because “everyone” did. Even the theme music from the show gives me shivers to this day… I know some people who loved the show and got exhilarated every time it was on. For me though, I associate “Twin Peaks” with fear…

We all have our own fears that affect us, some more than others. Feeling fearful is a part of our life and therefore denying it is not going to solve the problem. There are things you can do to reduce your fears and learn to live with them comfortably, and this is what I will share with you in my next blog post…

Things I’ve learnt about myself after 100 Happy Days challenge.

On the 1st April I started the 100 Happy Days Challenge.
The challenge was to think about something that makes me happy, something I am grateful for, things I appreciate and upload a picture of what made me happy that day for 100 consecutive days.

At first I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew that the aim of the challenge was to create a positive habit and as a result becoming more happy, appreciative and grateful. It takes on average at least 66 days to form a new single habit but the most powerful changes take place after 90 days, hence the 100 happy days challenge. I also knew that our behaviour impacts our mind and the way we feel and vice versa so I was aware that by looking out for positive things in my day could only benefit the way I think and feel. I decided to sign up to the challenge and I chose Twitter as the platform for uploading my pictures.

The first few weeks were quite challenging... I went through most of the day without thinking about anything specific that made me happy and only when I sat down in the evening I would reflect on my day and remember that I need to upload my picture. To start with there was a theme of pictures of my son, husband, friends, family, food as those things were the easiest to appreciate but as the time went by I made a conscious effort to pay more attention to other things that I appreciate. There was a shift in the way I started to look at things. I started noticing more simple things like a free seat on a crowded train, lovely weather, day off, picnics, things that I wasn’t really appreciating that much before. I was waking up looking out for things that were making me happy and I was grateful for rather than waiting until the evening when I was reflecting on my day. 18 days into my challenge I had some sad news. My grandma passed away and a few days after, I had more bad news... I have to say, despite the sad news I made a conscious effort to concentrate on the positive aspects of my life, things I am grateful for rather than concentrating on sad news. This wasn’t easy and as ironic as it may sound, looking out for happy things, realising how happy and lucky I am really helped me through this hard time.

So what helped me complete the challenge?

Accountability – If you read my blog post or Facebook page, you would know that I publicly announced I am starting the challenge. I wanted to complete the challenge more for myself than anyone else, but that accountability also kept me going. Friends and people who knew I am doing the challenge kept asking how I was getting on which was encouraging me to complete the challenge even more. Also, few of my friends followed my steps and started the challenge themselves which was very encouraging.

Benefits – I knew the benefits that the challenge would bring. Apparently people who completed the challenge felt happier, more appreciative of life after finishing 100 Happy Days challenge.

Results – As the challenge was progressing I could feel more aware of things around me that made me happy. Looking out for positive things also became more subconscious than at the beginning. I consider myself a happy person, but I really think I’ve been happier and more appreciative of life in general since the beginning of the challenge.

Habit – uploading pictures everyday became a little bit of a routine and a habit. Although the challenge is over, I still look out for positives and I am not taking things for granted.

The challenge has made me reflect on my life and things I am grateful for more. I became more appreciative of small things that before I wouldn’t necessarily appreciate. The 100 Happy days challenge experience for me was positive and I would highly recommend giving it a go.

If you would like to flick through the pictures of my challenge, you can do that on https://twitter.com/LifeCoachPlease

Building Self-Awareness

It has been a month since I started my 100 Happy Days challenge. It’s has been a difficult month for me personally and at times keeping a positive outlook has proven to be tricky. I have found a few obstacles in my way but I have to say that the 100 Happy Days Challenge has helped me to remain positive and has heightened my awareness and gratitude for life.

The moment I signed up for the challenge and made myself accountable to others who knew about it, I started consciously searching for things in my day that made me smile and made me happy. I started paying attention to the things I have in my life that I should be more grateful for.

Most people by nature tend to have more negative than positive thoughts during a day and with our busy life and schedules we “don’t have time” to spend analysing our day and thinking about what made us happy. Instead we often clutter our minds with worries about the future and criticizing ourselves for errors, questioning our abilities, you name it… All this negative “fuel” filters into our consciousness and damages our positivity and our feelings. If you leave these negative thoughts hanging around and don't challenge them, they will not just disappear.

The language you use along with your beliefs will be absorbed by your subconscious. Your thoughts activate your emotions, both positive and negative, so the choice of your thoughts will determine how you feel. Therefore developing self-awareness is the first step to transforming your thoughts. Remember, that you are the only person who is in charge of your thoughts, emotions, responses and actions.

That is why building your thought awareness is so important. The moment you consciously start paying attention to your thoughts and become aware of what’s going on in your head, you will become able to identify the things that need to be challenged or changed. This also means that you will be able to notice and choose how you think about yourself, behave, talk to yourself and how you respond to different situations…

Self-awareness begins with attention. When we keep conscious attention to our thoughts and behaviour, we will know what needs to be improved.

There are different ways of building your thought awareness: keeping a diary of your thoughts, deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, gratitude list to name a few. For me the 100 Happy Days challenge is proving to be a positive reminder of how lucky I really am, even if things seem bad at first.

I would encourage anyone to give it a try and join the challenge. If you would like to keep up to date with my progress, follow me on twitter @lifecoachplease

Happiness challenge

These days almost anything is available to us. Shop shelves are filled with products, any type of food is widely available, we are spoilt for choice in almost any area of our life. You would think that having more choice would make us happier, but according to numerous studies, it appears that people are not as happy as they used to be. Do constantly growing expectations, increasing satisfaction and constant desire to do, have or be more make us forget about the little, simple things that matter? Let's be honest here, how much time do you take to appreciate what you have, before you think about what it is that you want to have? Don't get me wrong, it is important to have goals, strive for more if that's what makes you happy, but the bottom line is be grateful for and appreciate what you already have in the first place.

Sadly, in Februaury 2014, a lady called Alice Herz-Sommer who was believed to have been the world's oldest Holocaust survivor peacefully passed away at the age of 110. You may think, how is this relevant?... Well, Alice was my inspiration. Despite great hardship and difficulties in her life she retained an extremely positive attitude and gratitude for life. Her devotion to music (she played piano for 3 hours a day), and treating life as a “present” helped her see beauty in the world. When she was asked what made her so positive she said: "I am looking for the nice things in life. I know about the bad things, but I look only for the good things”. I wish more of us were like Alice.

Happiness is available and achievable to all of us. It is determined by our minds rather than by circumstances, so the choice of our thoughts will have impact on our sense of well-being and happiness. Once we are aware of our thoughts, we can condition our mind to be more positive by choosing happy thoughts and limiting the negative ones. Actions are also a crucial part of creating a habit therefore what we do will also greatly enhance or diminish our experience of happiness. Habit is like a muscle; in order to be strengthened, it needs to be exercised and practised over and over again.

I consider myself a happy person, but there is always room for improvement. Therefore to condition myself to be happier and more grateful, I am joining the #100HappyDays challenge.
So this is how it works: I need to take and upload a picture of anything that makes me happy for 100 consecutive days. I can upload pictures via social media using the hash tag #100happydays but to avoid publicity I can also e-mail pictures directly to the 100HappyDays team.

People who have successfully completed the challenge claim they became more optimistic and appreciative of life after the challenge. Because they were recording daily things that made them happy, participants were conditioned to look for these events, objects, and people, becoming more aware of things that they were grateful for.

There is no doubt that gratitude and appreciation will increase one's feelings of happiness and once my challenge is completed I will share my findings with you.

If you feel that you need or want to be more positive and appreciate life more, it would be great if you would like to join me in this challenge. For more information on #100HappyDays challenge visit www.100happydays.com

The importance of resilience.

I’ve always admired those who are resilient, who can adapt and bounce back when things are not going their way.

People like Thomas Edison, James Dyson, Richard Branson and JK Rowling who we admire today, achieved great success because of their resilience and refusal to give up.

It is an inevitable part of our lives that we will make mistakes, are going to fail from time to time and the only way to avoid it seems to be living a very safe life, never trying to do anything new or take risks…but how many of us want to live this way?

Some people find it easier than others to recover from setbacks. According to psychologist Susan Kobasa, there are 3 essentials attitudes that support resilience:

Commitment - Resilient people know what they want and they are committed to their goals and aspirations, things and people that are important to them. They don’t get discouraged when things are not going according to their plan, instead, they concentrate on a positive image of the future.

Control - Resilient people focus on things that they have control over. They concentrate on present and future rather than focusing on their past (unless they use past experiences as a learning lesson for their future). People who dwell on past events which they can’t change and control, often think of themselves as victims, feel helpless and lost, and unable to get out of this unhelpful cycle.

Challenge – Resilient people see opportunities for growth and learning from their mistakes. They embrace change and see obstacles and failures as temporary setbacks and milestones that help them move forward rather than stopping them from achieving their goal.

Another characteristic that resilient people have in common is a positive outlook on their lives. Staying positive when things are working against you can be difficult, but staying optimistic about the future and finding positives even in the worst of circumstances is a very important part of resilience. Concentrating on negatives will not only not help you to move forward, but can also crush your confidence and belief in your abilities.

There are many things that you can do to work on building your resilience and some of them are:

Know what is that you want – Being clear on what you want to achieve will help you focus your attention on what matters to you. This will build your commitment to the task and your motivation to achieve your goal. The higher the motivation, the more determined you will be to achieve it so when you meet obstacles in your way, it will be easier to overcome them. Being flexible and able to adapt to change and unexpected situations is also an essential part of resilience.

Always improve your skills – Resilience is a skill that can be learnt. The more you get exposed to events and setbacks you need to overcome, the more chances you have to practice your resilience. Focus on improving skills that most resilient people have. Put yourself out of your comfort zone, learn from your mistakes, combat the challenges you face.

Build awareness of your language – The way we speak to ourselves has a huge impact on how we feel and how we behave. Negative thoughts and language can drain our energy and stifle our self belief and confidence, derailing us from progress therefore it is crucial to replace the negative monolog with positive self talk and thoughts. Confidence and self esteem have impact on the level of stress and your capability to recover from challenging events therefore remind yourself of your achievements, strengths and abilities, and build the courage to take the risks you need to move forward.

Look after yourself – Good health and wellbeing are fundamental to our mental and emotional resilience therefore integrating healthy diet, good quality sleep and exercise into your life will help you in coping with stress and will make you feel good.

Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, resistant to stress people – Having someone you can rely on, confide in and get support from in a difficult situation is very important. Sharing your concerns and having someone who can help you come up with solutions and bounce ideas off can be very encouraging.

Your response will determine your outcome –Each of us are faced with different choices on a daily basis. Two people can respond to the same situation very differently and it is the response that will determine whether the outcome is positive or negative. Resilient people tend to look for positives in every situation; they remain calm and collected under pressure so adopting this behaviour will help to build your own resilience.

Develop the curiosity and courage to go for what matters to you. Everyone at some point falls down, but those who win always stand up again!