ls the grass always greener on the other side?

We live in a day and age where our lives are much more exposed and in the open than ever before. The power of social media often offers us a glorified, enhanced and filtered version of one’s life which might be just a fraction of what is happening in reality.

Seeing others doing well, having a better job, great partner and circle of friends, gorgeous, big and always tidy house, going on amazing holidays and so on, may make us put more pressure on ourselves to change things for the better or strive for more, which in some cases may turn out be a good motivator. In other cases this pressure can demotivate us, make us question our abilities, look for imperfections in our lives and effectively impact our mental health. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and constant lack of satisfaction which can lead to negative feelings, envy or loss of confidence and motivation.

So what are some ways we could deal with it?

Accept your reality

Maybe the best way to start is actually accepting our reality. You may not be 100% happy with it, but it is your reality and you are the only one responsible for it and the only one who can take action to improve or change it.

Practice gratitude

Sometimes bad and unfortunate events make us realise how fortunate and lucky we actually are, but rather than waiting to have this realisation it might be worth taking time to think about what we have rather than what’s missing. Sometimes life tests us and puts roadblocks in our way but I hope you will agree that most of us experience difficulties at some point. What divides us is how we deal with adversity when it happens. Some bounce back and some give up or blame others for their misfortune. No matter how bad your day or life is, there are probably people out there who would love to be in your shoes and have your bad days.

Mental workout

Just like the muscles in our body need exercise to make them strong and toned, our mind needs positive input and thoughts to stay healthy and strong. Build awareness of your thoughts and start neglecting the thoughts that make you feel bad, and increase those that make you feel good. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but one thing is certain, practice makes perfect.

Stop comparing

We are all different, we all have different values, goals and different circumstances.

We create our perception based on what we see and hear despite the fact that our impressions are not always accurate and pixels don't always reflect reality. People rarely share things that go wrong or make them unhappy.

Only those who lead their own life know the truth. A study conducted by the University of Utah actually found that young people's satisfaction about their own lives declined the more they looked at Facebook. If comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior, then that's not going to make you feel good about yourself and your situation.

Is the comparison worth sacrificing your mental state?

So is the grass actually greener on the other side?

Maybe it is time to start watering your own lawn, as the grass will only be as green as you make it.

10 tips on how to bounce back from rejection

 

We wouldn’t be human if we were not affected in one way or the other by our setbacks. Being able to adapt to challenges, cope with adversity and recover from difficulties is a skill many of us wish to have. Here are some tips to help you build your RESILIENCE. 

 

R Reflect on your performance objectively. What worked? What went wrong? What needs improving? If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Setbacks can feel personal so staying objective and looking at things from the observer’s perspective can help you see things rationally and logically, without getting emotional.

E End goal Keep your eyes on the prize and keep going. Don’t lose sight of your goal and what matters to you because if it really matters, you will find the strength and motivation to achieve it. Most highly successful people failed on numerous occasions before they accomplished their goals. What often determines their success is the refusal to give up when they face obstacles; instead they find a way to overcome them. Knowing what it is you aspire to achieve and wanting it with every part of your body will help you carry on when things get tough.

S Strengths When things are not going our way, it is easy to concentrate on negatives and our weaknesses. In those moments arises the perfect opportunity to remind yourself about your strengths and triumphs and acknowledge your progress, however small it may be. Draw on your strong points, be kind to yourself, challenge your negative thinking and remember that if you have been resourceful before, you have it in you to be resourceful again.

I Internal dialog What do you say to yourself when you don’t succeed or get rejected? Is your language positive and encouraging or negative, unhelpful and demotivating? Language and the words you use really matter as they impact how you feel and how you behave so pay attention to your language and chose your words wisely.

L Learning What did you learn from the experience that you can use in the future? How can you use this knowledge to your advantage? Life throws lessons at us every day and sometimes the more we know, the more we realise how little we know which can be overwhelming. Learning never ends...just remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

I Interrupt the negative cycle Stress and worry are caused by how we perceive a situation, not the situation itself. The choice of how you respond to a situation will determine your outcome. Let’s say, you don’t get the job you interviewed for. If you respond by thinking you failed, you are not good enough, the way you will feel will be negative and hinder your confidence. If however you decide to respond more rationally by saying for example that although you were not successful, having an interview was good practice so I will be better prepared in the future or that there might have been other candidates who were more experienced etc, the way you feel about the situation will not be as negative as in the first scenario. In order to get out of the negative cycle, something needs to change, the cycle needs to be broken. Build awareness of your beliefs about a situation, because they will determine your action and results.

E Expectations Are your expectations realistic? What are the gaps (in your knowledge, experience etc.) you need to address? What / who is preventing you from achieving your goal? If your expectations are realistic, you are more likely to achieve your goals therefore have more confidence and motivation to take action.

N Network of people Think about the people around you. Who are your drainers and who are your fillers? Who do you need to see less? Who in your circle of acquaintances do you respect and would like to learn from? Surround yourself with people who support you and have positive impact on you, rather than those who drain your energy. Having someone who you can bounce ideas off and someone you can talk to can really help when you feel down.

C Count your blessings and practice gratitude. No matter how bad your situation is, there is always someone out there who is in a much worse situation than you are. Always! Look at it this way; there are people out there who wish they had your problems and your bad days. Rather than concentrating on how unlucky and unfortunate you are, take time to remind yourself how lucky you really are.

E Evaluate Thinking about all the above tips, as well your own ideas, ask yourself: If you were going to do one thing that would help you feel better about your situation, what would it be? What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I would like to leave you with this final thought by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams”.

“Prioritise your priorities”

 

You know how it works... at this time of the year people make half-hearted New Year resolutions through some sense of tradition and thinking that it is “the done thing”, without fully committing to making the necessary steps to achieve their goals. Therefore most people allow these goals to quickly fall by the wayside.

Goal setting shouldn’t be restricted to your January to-do list, but instead should be on your agenda throughout the year. It doesn’t have to be about one big fresh start, but it can be about attainable goals and taking small steps to help you actually achieve what really matters to you.

With too many things on our mind, it is often hard to know what to focus on and it is easy to lose sight of what is important to us. You cannot hit a target you cannot see, so to help you figure out your goals and priorities you might want to ask yourself the questions below. Before you do though... grab yourself a pen and paper, sit in a quiet corner with no distractions and off we go!

1) Think about your life. What things matter to you right now that you would like to change?

Write them down and put them in order of priority. Tackle each one at a time.

2) What actions do you need to take to draw you closer to your goal?

Be realistic and specific with order, dates, time of completion etc.

3) Which action will have the most impact or contribute to your success the most?

4) Write down: “The consequences of me not taking this action are..."

5) What obstacles are in your way and how can you overcome them?

Now that you thought about your goals and priorities all that is left to do is to take action. Action speaks louder than words. Before you know it with a little bit of commitment and determination, taking small steps will lead to a bigger goal and the change you want.

 

10 questions to ask yourself to increase motivation.

 

Questions are very powerful in helping to point us towards our purpose, maintaining focus and influencing motivation.

 

 

Everyone has some triggers that help them maintain their motivation. As we are all different, the same strategies and tips may not work for everyone. That’s why it is so important to ask yourself questions and figure out what works for you. 

 

 

What are my reasons for wanting to achieve my goal?

 

 

Taking a step back to think about what makes your goal important to you is a good place to start. It is important to remind yourself what matters to you. Our values are our motivators, so by exploring your values you will be able to tap into your motivation.

 

 

What steps do I need to take to move closer to my goal?

 

 

Big goals can be overwhelming and decrease your motivation. Breaking your goal into small, manageable steps can help you focus, but also will help you take small actions towards your objectives. Seeing progression and results can also greatly boost your motivation.

 

 

What would be the consequences of not being motivated to achieve my goal?

 

 

Some people are more motivated by consequences of not achieving something and the negative impact it may have on them rather that the benefits of achieving it. If you are one of those people, this question may resonate with you very much.

 

 

What stops or reduces my motivation?

 

 

Building awareness about what helps and hinders your motivation is crucial. If you are aware of what it is you need to change, you can take action to make those changes.

 

 

What obstacles or barriers may I face that will sabotage my motivation?

 

 

You know yourself better than anyone else. You know the thoughts you are having, limiting beliefs that may creep up every now and again and sabotage your motivation. Recognise those obstacles and deal with them one by one.

 

 

How can I overcome those obstacles?

 

 

What can you do to overcome the barriers and obstacles standing in the way of your motivation? Being aware of what may stop your motivation will help you determine what you can do to avoid it.

 

 

What habits can I create to increase my motivation?

 

 

It is much harder to break old bad habits and patterns of thinking than creating new positive habits. To give you an example, think of a big tree with strong and deep roots in the ground. That tree has been watered and conditioned for years. It will be impossible to pull the tree out without any additional support no matter how hard you try. It is much easier though to plant new seeds and give your new tree plenty of water, sunshine and nutrition to ensure it grows healthy and strong. At the same time, if you starve the old tree from sunlight and water, eventually your old tree will become weaker and its roots will dry out.

 

 

What tangible reminders do I need to see to stay motivated?

 

Having visual prompts, pictures, cues can really help in reminding you what it is what you want or don’t want. For example, sticking a picture on the fridge of yourself 1 stone heavier may help you stay motivated to keep weight off and continue your diet. When you are most likely to give in to your impulses and cravings tangible reminders can help to interrupt the impulse and keep you on track.

 

 

Who can support me?

 

 

Having a support network and being accountable to someone can increase your motivation. Being able to share your successes, ideas, concerns and talking things through can help you keep your enthusiasm and motivation up.

 

How will I reward myself?

 

Knowing that there is a reward or treat for your efforts can help you stay motivated.

 

 

Taking a relatively small amount of time to ask yourself and answer these simple questions could help you achieve your goals much more quickly and efficiently. You can head towards your objectives with your eyes open, ready to deal with any barriers that come along the way.

Why don't New Year's resolutions work?

Another year is upon us. Apparently about half of us make New Year’s resolutions each year. Some of us already joined the gym , others have started a diet or maybe some have given up smoking...

So why do so many of us wait until the beginning of the year to decide to do something about whatever we are unhappy with, be it our health, weight, well being, productivity... Is it the guilt of too much food eaten over Christmas, or maybe the pressure set by everyone else setting NY resolutions or maybe it’s an excuse to reinvent yourself with a fresh start to the year? Whatever it is... I am sorry but I may disappoint you when I tell you that according to research, more than half of you will fail your New Year’s resolutions by Valentine’s Day.

So let’s take a closer look at why it is that New Year's resolutions don’t work.

Is your goal too big?

The excitement of the new year, fresh start, new beginning, you name it, may make us often set over ambitious and unrealistic goals. We want to make so many changes, want to quit smoking, find a partner, or we want to loose weight, so we buy a running kit, gym membership and set an ambitious target of going to the gym every day or at least 5 times a week etc. Then life gets in the way and our plans and resolutions may start to crumble, so don’t only rely on your will power. Instead, break down your goals into realistic and manageable pieces. You wouldn’t eat an elephant in one piece, would you? To loose weight start taking the stairs, walk instead of driving when you can, cut down on biscuits or chocolate. Sometimes smaller steps may lead to big change faster than you think. By all means, do your exercise 5 times a week, but if you fail, don’t give up and wait until next January to set yourself new goals. Just continue with small actions, make progress towards your goals, as then you are much more likely to succeed.

Is your goal truly and deeply important to you?

Sometimes we may fall into a trap of setting goals that are not truly ours as we get influenced by other people’s goals. What are your reasons for getting fitter? What makes it so important for you to loose weight? What are the benefits of finding a new job?

The moment you understand the importance and your own reasons for change, the more committed you become to achieving your goal. So take time to think and reflect on what really matters to you, as the time you invest in this self reflection will pay back with the motivation to achieve what matters to you most.

Do not think about a big yellow gorilla!

I asked you, DO NOT think about a big yellow gorilla and what did you do? Even if you have a very strong mental control, most likely an image of a big yellow gorilla popped into your head. Why? Because our subconscious doesn’t differentiate “do” and “don’t”. It concentrates on the object (in this case a big yellow gorilla) making it hard to resist not thinking and imagining the object in question.

So what does this have to do with New Years’ resolutions?

We often concentrate on things we don’t want rather than on things we do want. By trying to resist thinking about things we want to avoid, be it chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes, we actually attract the thoughts of things we want to get rid of in the first place.

Solution?

If you have a habit or behaviour you would like to change, make your goals, resolutions affirmative and positive. Instead of “I don’t want to be single” wish for “I want to be in a happy relationship” or “I won’t drink alcohol on weekdays” aim for “My weekly diet consist of healthy food and drink”. Remember we get what we focus on!

So if you want to do or change something, don’t wait until New Year. There is never too late or too early to set yourself goals.

Too many things to do, not enough time...

Too many things to do, not enough time…

I am sure I am not the only one who sometimes finds herself frustrated when I have a long list of things to do and not enough time to complete them all.

Apart from having a long list, I have more ideas that keep occurring to me. Although one could think that that is very helpful, sometimes being blessed with too many ideas can also feel like a curse. The more ideas keep coming to me, my mind is more occupied and I find myself distracted from one task, as there is plenty more I can concentrate on… so frustration comes again…this time because I am not effectively using my time to complete what I have started.

Sound familiar?

Wait, there is more…

Do you have a perfectionist within you that sometimes wakes up and says “this is not good enough”, “you can do better than that”? As every task can always be improved, now, procrastination kicks in. Rather than completing the task I am working on, now I am looking for ways to improve it which can distract me for days from achieving the finished result.

There are a few things that I do to help me find focus and help me more effectively complete my tasks. I hope you will find them useful too.

Think on paper

Before you get on with any task, spend some time on planning and setting your priorities. Sometimes people may think that sitting down and taking time to think about what they need to do is not as productive as taking action, but the point they are missing is the fact that unless they have a very clear direction, they are likely to be distracted along the way and waste a lot of time. Take time to capture your ideas as the quicker you will have it done, the quicker you can get started to achieve them.

Set your priorities using ABC Method

Brian Tracy talks about a very simple priority setting technique that I believe is very effective.

Once you have a list of things to do, place an A, B, or C before each item on your list before you begin the first task.
"A" stands for "very important" something you must do otherwise there might be some negative or serious consequences if the task is not completed.
"B" stands for "important" something you should do. There might be some negative, mild consequences if the task is not completed. B tasks are not as important as A tasks.
"C" stands for things that are "nice to do" If not completed, there are no negative consequences. C task is not as important as 'A' or 'B,' tasks.

When deciding what letter you are going to put by each task, think about your goals and objectives so that the priorities you set are moving you in the direction of something that is of real value to you.
Once you have determined your ABC tasks, prioritize these tasks by writing A-1, A-2, A-3, and so on in front of each item. Your A-1 task is the biggest and most important task you need to complete. Do the same for B and C items. You should never do a "B" task when there is an "A" task left undone.

Avoid distractions and discipline yourself

If you are lacking self discipline, you are not the only one! People can always find distractions and “more important” things to do that will stop them or pull aside from achieving their task.

Rather than beating yourself up about being distracted, making excuses or feeling sorry for yourself, build in discipline to every task you do. Promise yourself to do nothing else until this one job is complete. Make a conscious decision and ask yourself the question: “How will I feel when I achieve my goal” or “What consequences will I face if do not complete my task”

Keep your end goal in mind and imagine how satisfied and happy you will feel when you complete the task. Say no to all distractions and focus on accomplishing your priorities. If you feel really stuck and your inspiration is gone, have a quick break to take your mind off things, maybe talk to a like minded friend to bounce some ideas off, go for a quick walk, take a deep breath and come back to the task refreshed and more stimulated.

Once you start completing tasks that matter to you and add value, as opposed to tasks that take your time but don’t give you desired results you will feel enthusiastic, motivated and satisfied by achieving your goals.

Reward yourself

When you complete the task, reward yourself for doing well. Your reward could be anything from words of encouragement “Well done”, a cup of hot chocolate, a walk, hot bubble bath or watching a movie with someone whose company you enjoy. Do something you like.

Although there is never enough time to do everything, there is always enough time to do the most important things, so make sure you choose your tasks wisely!

Good luck!

What determines success?

Recently I attended the National Achievers Congress which took place in London between 2-4th July 2011. The event was very motivating, thought provoking and left me wondering what it is that makes some people more successful than others? The event welcomed 15 speakers including Tony Robbins, Lord Alan Sugar, and Sir Richard Branson, to name a few…

Each speaker shared their story and nuggets of wisdom and although many were from different countries and cultures, different backgrounds and had different aspirations, I have come to realise that there are a few things that all of these speakers have in common.

VISION

Everything starts with a dream, vision or a goal.

Knowing exactly your goal not only keeps one focused on the end result but also helps to keep one motivated. If you do not know where you are going, how will you know when you get there? The more detailed and clear goal one has, the easier it will be to achieve it. Once you know your goal, you can start working on it.

DETERMINATION

As powerful and successful as those speakers are and appear now, many of them have been at rock bottom at some point. Whether homeless, with no money or with a lack of formal education, they have managed to find a way out of that negative situation. Those daunting circumstances made them even more determined to improve their life and did not discourage them from dreaming big and achieving even bigger.

The words of George Bernard Shaw sum up very well one of the attributes of successful people. “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them”

CONFIDENCE

Successful people beam with confidence. You can see it in the way they walk, talk and look at you. They come across comfortable when speaking in front of thousands of people and doing things that seem impossible for a “normal human being”.

People often have the preconception that successful people have been always like this. In reality, this perception is far from the truth. Not everyone was born with a bundle of confidence or as a natural public speaker. A lot of the time successful people have had to learn confident body language, and master their tone of voice and eye contact. The approach of “fake it till you make it” is applied more often than many may think. However, successful people always believe in themselves, their abilities and their success. If you do not believe in yourself, you can not expect other people to believe you.

TAKING ACTION  

In order to achieve any task, one needs to take action. Be proactive, do not wait until everything is just right as you could miss out on a great opportunity. Assess what is the worst that can happen, trust your guts, be brave and take the plunge. If something goes wrong, at least you have tried and you will learn from your mistakes. Next time it can only be better.

NOT GIVING UP WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

Most successful people will have tasted failure at least once before they accomplish their success. The secret of their success is picking themselves up when things go wrong and trying again. Don’t be discouraged by obstacles along your way, consider what you have learnt, be flexible, be open to take different approaches and do not concentrate on negatives. Instead think of your shortfalls in positive terms, learn from them and have the courage and resilience to continue. As Thomas Edison once said, a lot of people do not realise how close they were to success when they give up.

The National Achievers Congress made me think a lot about people, human behaviour, peoples’ expectations and aspirations.

It is not about being successful or rich; it is about achieving what success means to you. Whether it is feeling more confident, getting on with your family, getting a new job… Whatever circumstance or part of your life you want to improve, bearing these pearls of wisdom in mind will be beneficial in achieving your own success.

If you are lost, stuck in a rut or you are not sure where to start and how to make that vision reality, a life coach can help you work with you on making your goal your reality.