10 tips on how to bounce back from rejection

 

We wouldn’t be human if we were not affected in one way or the other by our setbacks. Being able to adapt to challenges, cope with adversity and recover from difficulties is a skill many of us wish to have. Here are some tips to help you build your RESILIENCE. 

 

R Reflect on your performance objectively. What worked? What went wrong? What needs improving? If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Setbacks can feel personal so staying objective and looking at things from the observer’s perspective can help you see things rationally and logically, without getting emotional.

E End goal Keep your eyes on the prize and keep going. Don’t lose sight of your goal and what matters to you because if it really matters, you will find the strength and motivation to achieve it. Most highly successful people failed on numerous occasions before they accomplished their goals. What often determines their success is the refusal to give up when they face obstacles; instead they find a way to overcome them. Knowing what it is you aspire to achieve and wanting it with every part of your body will help you carry on when things get tough.

S Strengths When things are not going our way, it is easy to concentrate on negatives and our weaknesses. In those moments arises the perfect opportunity to remind yourself about your strengths and triumphs and acknowledge your progress, however small it may be. Draw on your strong points, be kind to yourself, challenge your negative thinking and remember that if you have been resourceful before, you have it in you to be resourceful again.

I Internal dialog What do you say to yourself when you don’t succeed or get rejected? Is your language positive and encouraging or negative, unhelpful and demotivating? Language and the words you use really matter as they impact how you feel and how you behave so pay attention to your language and chose your words wisely.

L Learning What did you learn from the experience that you can use in the future? How can you use this knowledge to your advantage? Life throws lessons at us every day and sometimes the more we know, the more we realise how little we know which can be overwhelming. Learning never ends...just remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.

I Interrupt the negative cycle Stress and worry are caused by how we perceive a situation, not the situation itself. The choice of how you respond to a situation will determine your outcome. Let’s say, you don’t get the job you interviewed for. If you respond by thinking you failed, you are not good enough, the way you will feel will be negative and hinder your confidence. If however you decide to respond more rationally by saying for example that although you were not successful, having an interview was good practice so I will be better prepared in the future or that there might have been other candidates who were more experienced etc, the way you feel about the situation will not be as negative as in the first scenario. In order to get out of the negative cycle, something needs to change, the cycle needs to be broken. Build awareness of your beliefs about a situation, because they will determine your action and results.

E Expectations Are your expectations realistic? What are the gaps (in your knowledge, experience etc.) you need to address? What / who is preventing you from achieving your goal? If your expectations are realistic, you are more likely to achieve your goals therefore have more confidence and motivation to take action.

N Network of people Think about the people around you. Who are your drainers and who are your fillers? Who do you need to see less? Who in your circle of acquaintances do you respect and would like to learn from? Surround yourself with people who support you and have positive impact on you, rather than those who drain your energy. Having someone who you can bounce ideas off and someone you can talk to can really help when you feel down.

C Count your blessings and practice gratitude. No matter how bad your situation is, there is always someone out there who is in a much worse situation than you are. Always! Look at it this way; there are people out there who wish they had your problems and your bad days. Rather than concentrating on how unlucky and unfortunate you are, take time to remind yourself how lucky you really are.

E Evaluate Thinking about all the above tips, as well your own ideas, ask yourself: If you were going to do one thing that would help you feel better about your situation, what would it be? What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

I would like to leave you with this final thought by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson “Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams”.

Why don't New Year's resolutions work?

Another year is upon us. Apparently about half of us make New Year’s resolutions each year. Some of us already joined the gym , others have started a diet or maybe some have given up smoking...

So why do so many of us wait until the beginning of the year to decide to do something about whatever we are unhappy with, be it our health, weight, well being, productivity... Is it the guilt of too much food eaten over Christmas, or maybe the pressure set by everyone else setting NY resolutions or maybe it’s an excuse to reinvent yourself with a fresh start to the year? Whatever it is... I am sorry but I may disappoint you when I tell you that according to research, more than half of you will fail your New Year’s resolutions by Valentine’s Day.

So let’s take a closer look at why it is that New Year's resolutions don’t work.

Is your goal too big?

The excitement of the new year, fresh start, new beginning, you name it, may make us often set over ambitious and unrealistic goals. We want to make so many changes, want to quit smoking, find a partner, or we want to loose weight, so we buy a running kit, gym membership and set an ambitious target of going to the gym every day or at least 5 times a week etc. Then life gets in the way and our plans and resolutions may start to crumble, so don’t only rely on your will power. Instead, break down your goals into realistic and manageable pieces. You wouldn’t eat an elephant in one piece, would you? To loose weight start taking the stairs, walk instead of driving when you can, cut down on biscuits or chocolate. Sometimes smaller steps may lead to big change faster than you think. By all means, do your exercise 5 times a week, but if you fail, don’t give up and wait until next January to set yourself new goals. Just continue with small actions, make progress towards your goals, as then you are much more likely to succeed.

Is your goal truly and deeply important to you?

Sometimes we may fall into a trap of setting goals that are not truly ours as we get influenced by other people’s goals. What are your reasons for getting fitter? What makes it so important for you to loose weight? What are the benefits of finding a new job?

The moment you understand the importance and your own reasons for change, the more committed you become to achieving your goal. So take time to think and reflect on what really matters to you, as the time you invest in this self reflection will pay back with the motivation to achieve what matters to you most.

Do not think about a big yellow gorilla!

I asked you, DO NOT think about a big yellow gorilla and what did you do? Even if you have a very strong mental control, most likely an image of a big yellow gorilla popped into your head. Why? Because our subconscious doesn’t differentiate “do” and “don’t”. It concentrates on the object (in this case a big yellow gorilla) making it hard to resist not thinking and imagining the object in question.

So what does this have to do with New Years’ resolutions?

We often concentrate on things we don’t want rather than on things we do want. By trying to resist thinking about things we want to avoid, be it chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes, we actually attract the thoughts of things we want to get rid of in the first place.

Solution?

If you have a habit or behaviour you would like to change, make your goals, resolutions affirmative and positive. Instead of “I don’t want to be single” wish for “I want to be in a happy relationship” or “I won’t drink alcohol on weekdays” aim for “My weekly diet consist of healthy food and drink”. Remember we get what we focus on!

So if you want to do or change something, don’t wait until New Year. There is never too late or too early to set yourself goals.