5 steps to take control over your limiting beliefs

Unhelpful beliefs are very powerful and not only can stop us from using our potential and achieving our goals, shape our decisions, but also can make us feel powerless and can be devastating to our confidence, self-esteem and state of mind.  There is no one magic formula of what to do to beat your limiting beliefs as different solutions will work for different people but there are some steps you could take to start taking control over them. Here are 5 steps that I and my clients often follow:

Recognise it

Building awareness of what your limiting beliefs are and when they creep up is a starting point. You can’t change something you are not aware of. Once you bring to the front of your mind what reoccurring thoughts are having negative impact on you, you will most likely start catching yourself subconsciously the moment those beliefs appear. When you do, try to make a record of how often during the day you talk yourself down.

Strip it down

Limiting beliefs all stem from fear and are simply a mechanism to try and protect us. Even though they can be unhelpful, they often serve us a higher purpose. Although we might want to let go of them, there might be a reason (often we are not aware of) that makes us hold onto them.  Sometimes we hold onto them because we believe they protect us from disappointment, criticism, hurt or failure.  Wanting to let go of the limiting beliefs and at the same time holding on to them can cause ambivalence, discomfort, an internal conflict and frustration therefore it is useful to build understanding and establishing what is the reason behind it. Take a moment and ask yourself:

What is the purpose of that belief?

What does this belief give you?

What impact letting go of this belief would have on you/ your life?

Letting go of beliefs that have been with us for a long time, especially those deep rooted beliefs formed in childhood is not easy and can take a lot of time.  You can however learn how to manage them and use strategies to prevent them from holding you hostage.

What is the trigger?

So you’ve established what and why, now let’s look at when...

What is the trigger that makes your unhelpful belief pop up? Is it a thought, a person, an action, a place or something else that activates your belief? When does it usually happen? Is there a pattern or a cycle you fall into? What would be the first step you can take to change it? 

Look for evidence

How old is your belief?

What is the evidence it is true?

What is the evidence it is NOT true?

Often, when we strongly believe something, we tend to look for things that confirm we are right rather than looking for things that prove us wrong. If you have been sabotaging yourself or established a habit of looking for things that prove you right, then I encourage you to think twice as hard about as many situations and evidence that prove that you may be mistaken.

Reframe it

Once you find evidence that have shaken up your old beliefs, create new positive beliefs in place of your old unhelpful ones. If your belief is “I am not good enough to ... (for example) get this job” you may change it with “I have a lot of skills and strengths  I can offer” or “The more I learn / prepare / believe in myself, the more chance I have got to get this job” or “other people can do it, so can I”.  Choose a new, personal statement that works for you. Repeat it as much as you can. If you are a frequent “talking myself down” person, then it is likely it may feel unnatural and fake to suddenly change your talk and habits (even if backed up by evidence) but in order to get results, you have to put some work in. It’s all good to have a positive statement but if you don’t do anything with it, then don’t expect great results.

It is totally natural to have believes that limit us and work against us but no belief has any meaning until we give it a meaning so be mindful of not falling into the trap of creating beliefs that hinder your potential.

Sharing is caring...

Share your thoughts or your tips for taking control over unhelpful beliefs. Also, feel free to share this blog with others who might find it beneficial. 

Why don't New Year's resolutions work?

Another year is upon us. Apparently about half of us make New Year’s resolutions each year. Some of us already joined the gym , others have started a diet or maybe some have given up smoking...

So why do so many of us wait until the beginning of the year to decide to do something about whatever we are unhappy with, be it our health, weight, well being, productivity... Is it the guilt of too much food eaten over Christmas, or maybe the pressure set by everyone else setting NY resolutions or maybe it’s an excuse to reinvent yourself with a fresh start to the year? Whatever it is... I am sorry but I may disappoint you when I tell you that according to research, more than half of you will fail your New Year’s resolutions by Valentine’s Day.

So let’s take a closer look at why it is that New Year's resolutions don’t work.

Is your goal too big?

The excitement of the new year, fresh start, new beginning, you name it, may make us often set over ambitious and unrealistic goals. We want to make so many changes, want to quit smoking, find a partner, or we want to loose weight, so we buy a running kit, gym membership and set an ambitious target of going to the gym every day or at least 5 times a week etc. Then life gets in the way and our plans and resolutions may start to crumble, so don’t only rely on your will power. Instead, break down your goals into realistic and manageable pieces. You wouldn’t eat an elephant in one piece, would you? To loose weight start taking the stairs, walk instead of driving when you can, cut down on biscuits or chocolate. Sometimes smaller steps may lead to big change faster than you think. By all means, do your exercise 5 times a week, but if you fail, don’t give up and wait until next January to set yourself new goals. Just continue with small actions, make progress towards your goals, as then you are much more likely to succeed.

Is your goal truly and deeply important to you?

Sometimes we may fall into a trap of setting goals that are not truly ours as we get influenced by other people’s goals. What are your reasons for getting fitter? What makes it so important for you to loose weight? What are the benefits of finding a new job?

The moment you understand the importance and your own reasons for change, the more committed you become to achieving your goal. So take time to think and reflect on what really matters to you, as the time you invest in this self reflection will pay back with the motivation to achieve what matters to you most.

Do not think about a big yellow gorilla!

I asked you, DO NOT think about a big yellow gorilla and what did you do? Even if you have a very strong mental control, most likely an image of a big yellow gorilla popped into your head. Why? Because our subconscious doesn’t differentiate “do” and “don’t”. It concentrates on the object (in this case a big yellow gorilla) making it hard to resist not thinking and imagining the object in question.

So what does this have to do with New Years’ resolutions?

We often concentrate on things we don’t want rather than on things we do want. By trying to resist thinking about things we want to avoid, be it chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes, we actually attract the thoughts of things we want to get rid of in the first place.

Solution?

If you have a habit or behaviour you would like to change, make your goals, resolutions affirmative and positive. Instead of “I don’t want to be single” wish for “I want to be in a happy relationship” or “I won’t drink alcohol on weekdays” aim for “My weekly diet consist of healthy food and drink”. Remember we get what we focus on!

So if you want to do or change something, don’t wait until New Year. There is never too late or too early to set yourself goals.