6 tips for motivation in challenging times

It can be challenging to stay motivated and focused in times of change and during
setbacks. Sometimes you may need a little boost. We all have our ways to deal with flagging motivation. Below I’m sharing some strategies of cultivating mine.

1. Bring awareness to your thoughts and feelings

There is a strong connection between our thoughts, feelings and motivation. If you
feel down, or are thinking unhelpful thoughts it is highly unlikely you will feel
motivated. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and how they manifest
themselves is a great starting point for recognising what needs to change. Unless
you are aware of how your emotions impact your mood and motivation (both
positively and negatively) , it will be difficult for you to control them. Pay
attention to what is the trigger that fires off these emotions and how you respond
to that trigger. Awareness is power as it gives you the control to choose how you
respond. Is your response helping you or hindering you?

2. Accept how you feel

It is ok to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, demotivated, stressed, anxious etc.
We are only human and it is normal for our emotions to flag every now and again.
Rather that dismissing how we feel, bottling up your emotions and sweeping them
under the metaphorical carpet, acknowledge, validate and accept them. If these
emotions are not serving you, then ask yourself, what emotions do I want to feel
instead? What can you do to tap into the emotions you want to feel?

3. What is within your control?

Sometimes we can’t change situations that affect us but we are always in control
of our reaction to any situation. Our reaction (either positive or negative) will lead
to either positive or negative consequences. Sometimes our emotions hijack our
thinking and actions, so before you react, take a deep breath and take a logical
stance on the situation. Focusing your energy on things that you can control rather
than things you can’t will help you sustain your motivation.

4. Reframe your thoughts

Once you recognise that you are thinking unhelpful thoughts try to reframe them
and “flip” them into positives. Using logic, disputing irrational thoughts and
asking questions can help.
Let’s say you were unsuccessful in a job interview for your dream job. The likelihood is that you will feel pretty demotivated, so try and look for positives in this situation.
Ask yourself some logical questions based on the situation you are in.
“What positives came out of this situation?” examples could be: I really stepped
out of my comfort zone and had an opportunity to practice my interview skills or I
learnt questions I hadn’t expected so next time I will be better prepared etc.
“What have I learnt from this experience?” I need to practice X skills more or I
need to work on my nerves and body language etc.
Reframing helps you put events and circumstances into a different context that is
more resourceful and favourable. Sometimes looking for positives in a negative
situation can be challenging and it may feel forced to start with, but at the same
time, it can really shift the way you look at things. There is a great quote by
Wayne Dyer that sums this really well: “When you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at change”

5. Walk it off

Quite literally! Exercise and movement helps to clear your mind and gain focus. If
exercise is not your thing, then find a healthy outlet that works for you:  writing,
meditation, reading, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, listening to music,
podcasts or anything that would help you remain positive and motivated.

6. Tap into other peoples’ energy

There are two types of people:  drainers and fillers. Drainers literally suck out all
the energy out of you. They focus on negative, things that go wrong , they blame
others for their situation. Fillers energise you. They take responsibility for their
actions, they look at the positive - they are the glass full type of people. If your
motivation is flagging, surround yourself with positive thinkers who emanate
positive energy and make you feel good.

So, what keeps you motivated? I would love to hear from you.

Sharing is caring…Do share your thoughts, tips and pass it on to anyone who can
benefit from this article.

ls the grass always greener on the other side?

We live in a day and age where our lives are much more exposed and in the open than ever before. The power of social media often offers us a glorified, enhanced and filtered version of one’s life which might be just a fraction of what is happening in reality.

Seeing others doing well, having a better job, great partner and circle of friends, gorgeous, big and always tidy house, going on amazing holidays and so on, may make us put more pressure on ourselves to change things for the better or strive for more, which in some cases may turn out be a good motivator. In other cases this pressure can demotivate us, make us question our abilities, look for imperfections in our lives and effectively impact our mental health. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and constant lack of satisfaction which can lead to negative feelings, envy or loss of confidence and motivation.

So what are some ways we could deal with it?

Accept your reality

Maybe the best way to start is actually accepting our reality. You may not be 100% happy with it, but it is your reality and you are the only one responsible for it and the only one who can take action to improve or change it.

Practice gratitude

Sometimes bad and unfortunate events make us realise how fortunate and lucky we actually are, but rather than waiting to have this realisation it might be worth taking time to think about what we have rather than what’s missing. Sometimes life tests us and puts roadblocks in our way but I hope you will agree that most of us experience difficulties at some point. What divides us is how we deal with adversity when it happens. Some bounce back and some give up or blame others for their misfortune. No matter how bad your day or life is, there are probably people out there who would love to be in your shoes and have your bad days.

Mental workout

Just like the muscles in our body need exercise to make them strong and toned, our mind needs positive input and thoughts to stay healthy and strong. Build awareness of your thoughts and start neglecting the thoughts that make you feel bad, and increase those that make you feel good. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but one thing is certain, practice makes perfect.

Stop comparing

We are all different, we all have different values, goals and different circumstances.

We create our perception based on what we see and hear despite the fact that our impressions are not always accurate and pixels don't always reflect reality. People rarely share things that go wrong or make them unhappy.

Only those who lead their own life know the truth. A study conducted by the University of Utah actually found that young people's satisfaction about their own lives declined the more they looked at Facebook. If comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior, then that's not going to make you feel good about yourself and your situation.

Is the comparison worth sacrificing your mental state?

So is the grass actually greener on the other side?

Maybe it is time to start watering your own lawn, as the grass will only be as green as you make it.

5 steps to take control over your limiting beliefs

Unhelpful beliefs are very powerful and not only can stop us from using our potential and achieving our goals, shape our decisions, but also can make us feel powerless and can be devastating to our confidence, self-esteem and state of mind.  There is no one magic formula of what to do to beat your limiting beliefs as different solutions will work for different people but there are some steps you could take to start taking control over them. Here are 5 steps that I and my clients often follow:

Recognise it

Building awareness of what your limiting beliefs are and when they creep up is a starting point. You can’t change something you are not aware of. Once you bring to the front of your mind what reoccurring thoughts are having negative impact on you, you will most likely start catching yourself subconsciously the moment those beliefs appear. When you do, try to make a record of how often during the day you talk yourself down.

Strip it down

Limiting beliefs all stem from fear and are simply a mechanism to try and protect us. Even though they can be unhelpful, they often serve us a higher purpose. Although we might want to let go of them, there might be a reason (often we are not aware of) that makes us hold onto them.  Sometimes we hold onto them because we believe they protect us from disappointment, criticism, hurt or failure.  Wanting to let go of the limiting beliefs and at the same time holding on to them can cause ambivalence, discomfort, an internal conflict and frustration therefore it is useful to build understanding and establishing what is the reason behind it. Take a moment and ask yourself:

What is the purpose of that belief?

What does this belief give you?

What impact letting go of this belief would have on you/ your life?

Letting go of beliefs that have been with us for a long time, especially those deep rooted beliefs formed in childhood is not easy and can take a lot of time.  You can however learn how to manage them and use strategies to prevent them from holding you hostage.

What is the trigger?

So you’ve established what and why, now let’s look at when...

What is the trigger that makes your unhelpful belief pop up? Is it a thought, a person, an action, a place or something else that activates your belief? When does it usually happen? Is there a pattern or a cycle you fall into? What would be the first step you can take to change it? 

Look for evidence

How old is your belief?

What is the evidence it is true?

What is the evidence it is NOT true?

Often, when we strongly believe something, we tend to look for things that confirm we are right rather than looking for things that prove us wrong. If you have been sabotaging yourself or established a habit of looking for things that prove you right, then I encourage you to think twice as hard about as many situations and evidence that prove that you may be mistaken.

Reframe it

Once you find evidence that have shaken up your old beliefs, create new positive beliefs in place of your old unhelpful ones. If your belief is “I am not good enough to ... (for example) get this job” you may change it with “I have a lot of skills and strengths  I can offer” or “The more I learn / prepare / believe in myself, the more chance I have got to get this job” or “other people can do it, so can I”.  Choose a new, personal statement that works for you. Repeat it as much as you can. If you are a frequent “talking myself down” person, then it is likely it may feel unnatural and fake to suddenly change your talk and habits (even if backed up by evidence) but in order to get results, you have to put some work in. It’s all good to have a positive statement but if you don’t do anything with it, then don’t expect great results.

It is totally natural to have believes that limit us and work against us but no belief has any meaning until we give it a meaning so be mindful of not falling into the trap of creating beliefs that hinder your potential.

Sharing is caring...

Share your thoughts or your tips for taking control over unhelpful beliefs. Also, feel free to share this blog with others who might find it beneficial. 

What makes your hero?

Yesterday was International Women’s Day, a time for all women to be celebrated. As I was thinking about inspirational women there was one person at the forefront of my mind. 

In this day and age with our obsession with internet it is very easy to find a “hero” on social media but if you look up from your phone you may find they are sitting right next you, and in my case, that’s my grandma ( “Babcia Marysia”).

Don’t worry, I am not going to dig into my personal life, instead, I will tell you what I think makes her so special to me and many other people I know she had impact on.

Strength

I don’t mean physical strength, although my grandma is well known for picking up my friends and rugby tackling my husband...

What I mean, is the mental strength and resilience. My grandma is a real tough cookie, I tell you that. She has had a very challenging and difficult life. She was born in Vilnius and immigrated to Poland with her family; she was looking after her ill bed ridden mother for over 13 years, tragically lost her 11 year old son, brought up her own family, including me in communist Poland which was a very tough and unpleasant time. Although she was the one who often needed support, she never asked for it, but instead she always offered it to anyone who needed it. She was the mainstay and example to follow not just for me but people around her.

Positive attitude

Everyone who knows my grandma will tell you that she is one of the most positive people they’ve met. Our house was always full of people. The door bell would ring constantly and people would pop in for coffee, a chat or to alter their clothing (my grandma was a seamstress). Despite her struggles and the hardship she has gone through, a smile hardly ever leaves her face. She always jokes around, chats to random people in a shop, and you may think... that’s annoying, however, she has this natural aura about her that makes people drawn to her and like her. She is one of those who doesn’t moan, doesn’t blame, and instead puts a smile on her face even if a little bit of pain creeps in.

Encouraging Independence

I was brought up by my grandparents since the age of 7. I grew up in the 80ties when there was hardly any health and safety guidelines, kids would play outside until it was dark, there were no mobile phones to check on me.

I remember when I was about 10 years old I joined a dancing school which was about a 20 minute bus journey from home and another 5 minutes walk from the bus stop. I remember travelling on my own by bus during cold, dark and snowy winters to go for my classes and I remember over hearing some parents criticising my grandparents for allowing me to travel on my own. You know what, in retrospect, that’s the best thing they could have done for me. They trusted me, they believed in me, they built responsibility in me, and that was the best way of encouraging me to be brave and independent.  Some people may think it was crazy and unacceptable, but if it wasn’t because of this, maybe I wouldn’t have had enough guts in me to take leaps in faith that brought me to where I am today.   

I admire my grandma for who she is, what she stands for and I am entirely grateful for everything she has done for me. We find inspiration in different people and for different reasons. We should cherish and celebrate our heros and if we have a chance tell them what impact they made on us. Who knows, maybe one day we will become somebody’s hero? Wouldn’t it be nice to hear what difference we made in someone’s life?

10 confidence killers and how to avoid them.

 

Some people are blessed with natural confidence, but the rest of us sometimes need to work on it. Below are 10 possible confidence pitfalls to recognise and avoid.

Negativity around you

 What I mean by that is things we are exposed to, things we read, watch, people we hang out with.  Unless you are very resilient, staying positive and confident around negativity can prove a challenge in itself. If you restrict seeing people in your life that make you feel negative, that doesn’t mean that you don’t like them. It just means that you respect yourself.

Language you use

There is tons of evidence that language can impact how we feel and behave. If you feed your mind with negative language, don’t expect to feel positive, motivated and confident. Build your awareness of what language you feed your mind with. Is your language generally empowering and positive, or weak and disempowering? Do you say to yourself “I am not good enough”, “I don’t deserve it” or alternatively “I know I can do it” and “I feel good about myself”.  Once you are aware of your narrative, you can work on improving it and increase your confidence.

Body language

You can tell a lot from looking at someone’s body language. You don’t have to be an expert in body language to tell just by observing someone’s body posture, eye contact or lack of, and handshake whether they are self conscious or confident. Similar to language, body language has a huge impact on how we feel and act. If you want to feel more confident, change your posture to reflect confidence. Take your eyes off the floor, smile, breathe deeply, have upright posture with shoulders back. Making these small changes can make a huge difference to your confidence as well as how others perceive you. 

Worrying about things you have no control over

It’s normal to worry sometimes. Unfortunately most people worry about the past and future and things you have no way of controlling. I even know people who worry about worrying. You are not going to feel good and confident if you worry, especially about things you have no control over. You have no control over your past and future (to some extent) but you are the only one who can control your emotions and how you react to a situation. Your attitude determines your aptitude!

Not treating mistakes and failures as learning

Going back to the previous point, how you react to a situation will determine your results. Let’s say you’ve just received a phone call saying that you didn’t get the job you had interviewed for. You have two choices. You either can react by saying: “I am such a failure”, “I am just not good enough”, “I am never going to get this job” etc. Or by saying: “Never mind, at least I had a chance to practice my interview skills”, “Next time I will be better prepared”. Failure is an on going process and if we are growing and taking risks, then failing isn’t abnormal. Your mistakes, but most importantly your attitude can either break you or make you stronger. The choice is yours alone!

Beliefs

Some people are more confident than others and one thing that distinguishes confident people from those who lack confidence are their beliefs about themselves and their capabilities. They take responsibility for their thoughts and don’t allow negative beliefs compromise their confidence. Those who lack confidence often react to their limiting beliefs with feelings and emotions rather than react rationally. They talk themselves into believing in whatever they choose, even when it’s harmful rather than helpful. As Henry Ford used to say “Whether you think you can, or you can’t – you are right” so pay attention to which beliefs are getting most of your energy.

Perfectionism

There is nothing wrong in striving for perfection. It only becomes a problem if you can’t move on or take action because you are bogged down with details and things that you think are not good enough. When do you stop listening to your inner critic? Where do you draw the line? If you don’t trust yourself to do something because of your perfectionism, then you are not going to feel confident. Confident people take action not because they think they are always right, but because they are not afraid of being wrong. Don’t let the fear of taking action prevent you from taking any action at all.

Always staying in your comfort zone

You can be amazing at what you do but even if you only do what you are amazing at you can lose your confidence in doing other things. Most of us prefer to stay in a comfortable, secure place, doing things we know rather than stretch ourselves to do things that challenge us. The more you push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone, the more it will expand each time you do. Challenge yourself, even if it’s not pleasant to start with, increase your flexibility and confidence a little more every day. What’s the worst that could happen?

Resisting change

Whether you love or hate change, the chances are at some point you will be exposed to it. Change is only bad if you believe it is bad. If you are not happy about whatever is happening in your life and if you avoid change, things will stay the same. To get different results, outcomes and feelings, we need to try something different. Work on developing your flexibility and positive outlook about change so you feel confident to approach it when it strikes.

Worrying about what others would say

People have their opinions about things and people, just like you have your opinion about others. Confident people don’t let the opinion of others define what they can or can’t do. They know that people don’t always agree on things, but that doesn’t make them wrong. Confident people listen to their intuition and trust themselves, rather than taking negative comments made by others too personally or trying to impress others. Concentrate on building quality relationships with people who support you, trust you and respect you and the opinions of those who don’t really matter to you will become less important. 

“Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable” Walt Disney

 

Things I’ve learnt about myself after 100 Happy Days challenge.

On the 1st April I started the 100 Happy Days Challenge.
The challenge was to think about something that makes me happy, something I am grateful for, things I appreciate and upload a picture of what made me happy that day for 100 consecutive days.

At first I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew that the aim of the challenge was to create a positive habit and as a result becoming more happy, appreciative and grateful. It takes on average at least 66 days to form a new single habit but the most powerful changes take place after 90 days, hence the 100 happy days challenge. I also knew that our behaviour impacts our mind and the way we feel and vice versa so I was aware that by looking out for positive things in my day could only benefit the way I think and feel. I decided to sign up to the challenge and I chose Twitter as the platform for uploading my pictures.

The first few weeks were quite challenging... I went through most of the day without thinking about anything specific that made me happy and only when I sat down in the evening I would reflect on my day and remember that I need to upload my picture. To start with there was a theme of pictures of my son, husband, friends, family, food as those things were the easiest to appreciate but as the time went by I made a conscious effort to pay more attention to other things that I appreciate. There was a shift in the way I started to look at things. I started noticing more simple things like a free seat on a crowded train, lovely weather, day off, picnics, things that I wasn’t really appreciating that much before. I was waking up looking out for things that were making me happy and I was grateful for rather than waiting until the evening when I was reflecting on my day. 18 days into my challenge I had some sad news. My grandma passed away and a few days after, I had more bad news... I have to say, despite the sad news I made a conscious effort to concentrate on the positive aspects of my life, things I am grateful for rather than concentrating on sad news. This wasn’t easy and as ironic as it may sound, looking out for happy things, realising how happy and lucky I am really helped me through this hard time.

So what helped me complete the challenge?

Accountability – If you read my blog post or Facebook page, you would know that I publicly announced I am starting the challenge. I wanted to complete the challenge more for myself than anyone else, but that accountability also kept me going. Friends and people who knew I am doing the challenge kept asking how I was getting on which was encouraging me to complete the challenge even more. Also, few of my friends followed my steps and started the challenge themselves which was very encouraging.

Benefits – I knew the benefits that the challenge would bring. Apparently people who completed the challenge felt happier, more appreciative of life after finishing 100 Happy Days challenge.

Results – As the challenge was progressing I could feel more aware of things around me that made me happy. Looking out for positive things also became more subconscious than at the beginning. I consider myself a happy person, but I really think I’ve been happier and more appreciative of life in general since the beginning of the challenge.

Habit – uploading pictures everyday became a little bit of a routine and a habit. Although the challenge is over, I still look out for positives and I am not taking things for granted.

The challenge has made me reflect on my life and things I am grateful for more. I became more appreciative of small things that before I wouldn’t necessarily appreciate. The 100 Happy days challenge experience for me was positive and I would highly recommend giving it a go.

If you would like to flick through the pictures of my challenge, you can do that on https://twitter.com/LifeCoachPlease

Building Self-Awareness

It has been a month since I started my 100 Happy Days challenge. It’s has been a difficult month for me personally and at times keeping a positive outlook has proven to be tricky. I have found a few obstacles in my way but I have to say that the 100 Happy Days Challenge has helped me to remain positive and has heightened my awareness and gratitude for life.

The moment I signed up for the challenge and made myself accountable to others who knew about it, I started consciously searching for things in my day that made me smile and made me happy. I started paying attention to the things I have in my life that I should be more grateful for.

Most people by nature tend to have more negative than positive thoughts during a day and with our busy life and schedules we “don’t have time” to spend analysing our day and thinking about what made us happy. Instead we often clutter our minds with worries about the future and criticizing ourselves for errors, questioning our abilities, you name it… All this negative “fuel” filters into our consciousness and damages our positivity and our feelings. If you leave these negative thoughts hanging around and don't challenge them, they will not just disappear.

The language you use along with your beliefs will be absorbed by your subconscious. Your thoughts activate your emotions, both positive and negative, so the choice of your thoughts will determine how you feel. Therefore developing self-awareness is the first step to transforming your thoughts. Remember, that you are the only person who is in charge of your thoughts, emotions, responses and actions.

That is why building your thought awareness is so important. The moment you consciously start paying attention to your thoughts and become aware of what’s going on in your head, you will become able to identify the things that need to be challenged or changed. This also means that you will be able to notice and choose how you think about yourself, behave, talk to yourself and how you respond to different situations…

Self-awareness begins with attention. When we keep conscious attention to our thoughts and behaviour, we will know what needs to be improved.

There are different ways of building your thought awareness: keeping a diary of your thoughts, deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, gratitude list to name a few. For me the 100 Happy Days challenge is proving to be a positive reminder of how lucky I really am, even if things seem bad at first.

I would encourage anyone to give it a try and join the challenge. If you would like to keep up to date with my progress, follow me on twitter @lifecoachplease