ls the grass always greener on the other side?

We live in a day and age where our lives are much more exposed and in the open than ever before. The power of social media often offers us a glorified, enhanced and filtered version of one’s life which might be just a fraction of what is happening in reality.

Seeing others doing well, having a better job, great partner and circle of friends, gorgeous, big and always tidy house, going on amazing holidays and so on, may make us put more pressure on ourselves to change things for the better or strive for more, which in some cases may turn out be a good motivator. In other cases this pressure can demotivate us, make us question our abilities, look for imperfections in our lives and effectively impact our mental health. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and constant lack of satisfaction which can lead to negative feelings, envy or loss of confidence and motivation.

So what are some ways we could deal with it?

Accept your reality

Maybe the best way to start is actually accepting our reality. You may not be 100% happy with it, but it is your reality and you are the only one responsible for it and the only one who can take action to improve or change it.

Practice gratitude

Sometimes bad and unfortunate events make us realise how fortunate and lucky we actually are, but rather than waiting to have this realisation it might be worth taking time to think about what we have rather than what’s missing. Sometimes life tests us and puts roadblocks in our way but I hope you will agree that most of us experience difficulties at some point. What divides us is how we deal with adversity when it happens. Some bounce back and some give up or blame others for their misfortune. No matter how bad your day or life is, there are probably people out there who would love to be in your shoes and have your bad days.

Mental workout

Just like the muscles in our body need exercise to make them strong and toned, our mind needs positive input and thoughts to stay healthy and strong. Build awareness of your thoughts and start neglecting the thoughts that make you feel bad, and increase those that make you feel good. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but one thing is certain, practice makes perfect.

Stop comparing

We are all different, we all have different values, goals and different circumstances.

We create our perception based on what we see and hear despite the fact that our impressions are not always accurate and pixels don't always reflect reality. People rarely share things that go wrong or make them unhappy.

Only those who lead their own life know the truth. A study conducted by the University of Utah actually found that young people's satisfaction about their own lives declined the more they looked at Facebook. If comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior, then that's not going to make you feel good about yourself and your situation.

Is the comparison worth sacrificing your mental state?

So is the grass actually greener on the other side?

Maybe it is time to start watering your own lawn, as the grass will only be as green as you make it.

Things I’ve learnt about myself after 100 Happy Days challenge.

On the 1st April I started the 100 Happy Days Challenge.
The challenge was to think about something that makes me happy, something I am grateful for, things I appreciate and upload a picture of what made me happy that day for 100 consecutive days.

At first I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew that the aim of the challenge was to create a positive habit and as a result becoming more happy, appreciative and grateful. It takes on average at least 66 days to form a new single habit but the most powerful changes take place after 90 days, hence the 100 happy days challenge. I also knew that our behaviour impacts our mind and the way we feel and vice versa so I was aware that by looking out for positive things in my day could only benefit the way I think and feel. I decided to sign up to the challenge and I chose Twitter as the platform for uploading my pictures.

The first few weeks were quite challenging... I went through most of the day without thinking about anything specific that made me happy and only when I sat down in the evening I would reflect on my day and remember that I need to upload my picture. To start with there was a theme of pictures of my son, husband, friends, family, food as those things were the easiest to appreciate but as the time went by I made a conscious effort to pay more attention to other things that I appreciate. There was a shift in the way I started to look at things. I started noticing more simple things like a free seat on a crowded train, lovely weather, day off, picnics, things that I wasn’t really appreciating that much before. I was waking up looking out for things that were making me happy and I was grateful for rather than waiting until the evening when I was reflecting on my day. 18 days into my challenge I had some sad news. My grandma passed away and a few days after, I had more bad news... I have to say, despite the sad news I made a conscious effort to concentrate on the positive aspects of my life, things I am grateful for rather than concentrating on sad news. This wasn’t easy and as ironic as it may sound, looking out for happy things, realising how happy and lucky I am really helped me through this hard time.

So what helped me complete the challenge?

Accountability – If you read my blog post or Facebook page, you would know that I publicly announced I am starting the challenge. I wanted to complete the challenge more for myself than anyone else, but that accountability also kept me going. Friends and people who knew I am doing the challenge kept asking how I was getting on which was encouraging me to complete the challenge even more. Also, few of my friends followed my steps and started the challenge themselves which was very encouraging.

Benefits – I knew the benefits that the challenge would bring. Apparently people who completed the challenge felt happier, more appreciative of life after finishing 100 Happy Days challenge.

Results – As the challenge was progressing I could feel more aware of things around me that made me happy. Looking out for positive things also became more subconscious than at the beginning. I consider myself a happy person, but I really think I’ve been happier and more appreciative of life in general since the beginning of the challenge.

Habit – uploading pictures everyday became a little bit of a routine and a habit. Although the challenge is over, I still look out for positives and I am not taking things for granted.

The challenge has made me reflect on my life and things I am grateful for more. I became more appreciative of small things that before I wouldn’t necessarily appreciate. The 100 Happy days challenge experience for me was positive and I would highly recommend giving it a go.

If you would like to flick through the pictures of my challenge, you can do that on https://twitter.com/LifeCoachPlease

Happiness challenge

These days almost anything is available to us. Shop shelves are filled with products, any type of food is widely available, we are spoilt for choice in almost any area of our life. You would think that having more choice would make us happier, but according to numerous studies, it appears that people are not as happy as they used to be. Do constantly growing expectations, increasing satisfaction and constant desire to do, have or be more make us forget about the little, simple things that matter? Let's be honest here, how much time do you take to appreciate what you have, before you think about what it is that you want to have? Don't get me wrong, it is important to have goals, strive for more if that's what makes you happy, but the bottom line is be grateful for and appreciate what you already have in the first place.

Sadly, in Februaury 2014, a lady called Alice Herz-Sommer who was believed to have been the world's oldest Holocaust survivor peacefully passed away at the age of 110. You may think, how is this relevant?... Well, Alice was my inspiration. Despite great hardship and difficulties in her life she retained an extremely positive attitude and gratitude for life. Her devotion to music (she played piano for 3 hours a day), and treating life as a “present” helped her see beauty in the world. When she was asked what made her so positive she said: "I am looking for the nice things in life. I know about the bad things, but I look only for the good things”. I wish more of us were like Alice.

Happiness is available and achievable to all of us. It is determined by our minds rather than by circumstances, so the choice of our thoughts will have impact on our sense of well-being and happiness. Once we are aware of our thoughts, we can condition our mind to be more positive by choosing happy thoughts and limiting the negative ones. Actions are also a crucial part of creating a habit therefore what we do will also greatly enhance or diminish our experience of happiness. Habit is like a muscle; in order to be strengthened, it needs to be exercised and practised over and over again.

I consider myself a happy person, but there is always room for improvement. Therefore to condition myself to be happier and more grateful, I am joining the #100HappyDays challenge.
So this is how it works: I need to take and upload a picture of anything that makes me happy for 100 consecutive days. I can upload pictures via social media using the hash tag #100happydays but to avoid publicity I can also e-mail pictures directly to the 100HappyDays team.

People who have successfully completed the challenge claim they became more optimistic and appreciative of life after the challenge. Because they were recording daily things that made them happy, participants were conditioned to look for these events, objects, and people, becoming more aware of things that they were grateful for.

There is no doubt that gratitude and appreciation will increase one's feelings of happiness and once my challenge is completed I will share my findings with you.

If you feel that you need or want to be more positive and appreciate life more, it would be great if you would like to join me in this challenge. For more information on #100HappyDays challenge visit www.100happydays.com