6 tips for motivation in challenging times

It can be challenging to stay motivated and focused in times of change and during
setbacks. Sometimes you may need a little boost. We all have our ways to deal with flagging motivation. Below I’m sharing some strategies of cultivating mine.

1. Bring awareness to your thoughts and feelings

There is a strong connection between our thoughts, feelings and motivation. If you
feel down, or are thinking unhelpful thoughts it is highly unlikely you will feel
motivated. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and how they manifest
themselves is a great starting point for recognising what needs to change. Unless
you are aware of how your emotions impact your mood and motivation (both
positively and negatively) , it will be difficult for you to control them. Pay
attention to what is the trigger that fires off these emotions and how you respond
to that trigger. Awareness is power as it gives you the control to choose how you
respond. Is your response helping you or hindering you?

2. Accept how you feel

It is ok to feel sad, angry, scared, frustrated, demotivated, stressed, anxious etc.
We are only human and it is normal for our emotions to flag every now and again.
Rather that dismissing how we feel, bottling up your emotions and sweeping them
under the metaphorical carpet, acknowledge, validate and accept them. If these
emotions are not serving you, then ask yourself, what emotions do I want to feel
instead? What can you do to tap into the emotions you want to feel?

3. What is within your control?

Sometimes we can’t change situations that affect us but we are always in control
of our reaction to any situation. Our reaction (either positive or negative) will lead
to either positive or negative consequences. Sometimes our emotions hijack our
thinking and actions, so before you react, take a deep breath and take a logical
stance on the situation. Focusing your energy on things that you can control rather
than things you can’t will help you sustain your motivation.

4. Reframe your thoughts

Once you recognise that you are thinking unhelpful thoughts try to reframe them
and “flip” them into positives. Using logic, disputing irrational thoughts and
asking questions can help.
Let’s say you were unsuccessful in a job interview for your dream job. The likelihood is that you will feel pretty demotivated, so try and look for positives in this situation.
Ask yourself some logical questions based on the situation you are in.
“What positives came out of this situation?” examples could be: I really stepped
out of my comfort zone and had an opportunity to practice my interview skills or I
learnt questions I hadn’t expected so next time I will be better prepared etc.
“What have I learnt from this experience?” I need to practice X skills more or I
need to work on my nerves and body language etc.
Reframing helps you put events and circumstances into a different context that is
more resourceful and favourable. Sometimes looking for positives in a negative
situation can be challenging and it may feel forced to start with, but at the same
time, it can really shift the way you look at things. There is a great quote by
Wayne Dyer that sums this really well: “When you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at change”

5. Walk it off

Quite literally! Exercise and movement helps to clear your mind and gain focus. If
exercise is not your thing, then find a healthy outlet that works for you:  writing,
meditation, reading, practicing mindfulness and gratitude, listening to music,
podcasts or anything that would help you remain positive and motivated.

6. Tap into other peoples’ energy

There are two types of people:  drainers and fillers. Drainers literally suck out all
the energy out of you. They focus on negative, things that go wrong , they blame
others for their situation. Fillers energise you. They take responsibility for their
actions, they look at the positive - they are the glass full type of people. If your
motivation is flagging, surround yourself with positive thinkers who emanate
positive energy and make you feel good.

So, what keeps you motivated? I would love to hear from you.

Sharing is caring…Do share your thoughts, tips and pass it on to anyone who can
benefit from this article.

ls the grass always greener on the other side?

We live in a day and age where our lives are much more exposed and in the open than ever before. The power of social media often offers us a glorified, enhanced and filtered version of one’s life which might be just a fraction of what is happening in reality.

Seeing others doing well, having a better job, great partner and circle of friends, gorgeous, big and always tidy house, going on amazing holidays and so on, may make us put more pressure on ourselves to change things for the better or strive for more, which in some cases may turn out be a good motivator. In other cases this pressure can demotivate us, make us question our abilities, look for imperfections in our lives and effectively impact our mental health. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and constant lack of satisfaction which can lead to negative feelings, envy or loss of confidence and motivation.

So what are some ways we could deal with it?

Accept your reality

Maybe the best way to start is actually accepting our reality. You may not be 100% happy with it, but it is your reality and you are the only one responsible for it and the only one who can take action to improve or change it.

Practice gratitude

Sometimes bad and unfortunate events make us realise how fortunate and lucky we actually are, but rather than waiting to have this realisation it might be worth taking time to think about what we have rather than what’s missing. Sometimes life tests us and puts roadblocks in our way but I hope you will agree that most of us experience difficulties at some point. What divides us is how we deal with adversity when it happens. Some bounce back and some give up or blame others for their misfortune. No matter how bad your day or life is, there are probably people out there who would love to be in your shoes and have your bad days.

Mental workout

Just like the muscles in our body need exercise to make them strong and toned, our mind needs positive input and thoughts to stay healthy and strong. Build awareness of your thoughts and start neglecting the thoughts that make you feel bad, and increase those that make you feel good. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but one thing is certain, practice makes perfect.

Stop comparing

We are all different, we all have different values, goals and different circumstances.

We create our perception based on what we see and hear despite the fact that our impressions are not always accurate and pixels don't always reflect reality. People rarely share things that go wrong or make them unhappy.

Only those who lead their own life know the truth. A study conducted by the University of Utah actually found that young people's satisfaction about their own lives declined the more they looked at Facebook. If comparing yourself to others makes you feel inferior, then that's not going to make you feel good about yourself and your situation.

Is the comparison worth sacrificing your mental state?

So is the grass actually greener on the other side?

Maybe it is time to start watering your own lawn, as the grass will only be as green as you make it.

What makes your hero?

Yesterday was International Women’s Day, a time for all women to be celebrated. As I was thinking about inspirational women there was one person at the forefront of my mind. 

In this day and age with our obsession with internet it is very easy to find a “hero” on social media but if you look up from your phone you may find they are sitting right next you, and in my case, that’s my grandma ( “Babcia Marysia”).

Don’t worry, I am not going to dig into my personal life, instead, I will tell you what I think makes her so special to me and many other people I know she had impact on.

Strength

I don’t mean physical strength, although my grandma is well known for picking up my friends and rugby tackling my husband...

What I mean, is the mental strength and resilience. My grandma is a real tough cookie, I tell you that. She has had a very challenging and difficult life. She was born in Vilnius and immigrated to Poland with her family; she was looking after her ill bed ridden mother for over 13 years, tragically lost her 11 year old son, brought up her own family, including me in communist Poland which was a very tough and unpleasant time. Although she was the one who often needed support, she never asked for it, but instead she always offered it to anyone who needed it. She was the mainstay and example to follow not just for me but people around her.

Positive attitude

Everyone who knows my grandma will tell you that she is one of the most positive people they’ve met. Our house was always full of people. The door bell would ring constantly and people would pop in for coffee, a chat or to alter their clothing (my grandma was a seamstress). Despite her struggles and the hardship she has gone through, a smile hardly ever leaves her face. She always jokes around, chats to random people in a shop, and you may think... that’s annoying, however, she has this natural aura about her that makes people drawn to her and like her. She is one of those who doesn’t moan, doesn’t blame, and instead puts a smile on her face even if a little bit of pain creeps in.

Encouraging Independence

I was brought up by my grandparents since the age of 7. I grew up in the 80ties when there was hardly any health and safety guidelines, kids would play outside until it was dark, there were no mobile phones to check on me.

I remember when I was about 10 years old I joined a dancing school which was about a 20 minute bus journey from home and another 5 minutes walk from the bus stop. I remember travelling on my own by bus during cold, dark and snowy winters to go for my classes and I remember over hearing some parents criticising my grandparents for allowing me to travel on my own. You know what, in retrospect, that’s the best thing they could have done for me. They trusted me, they believed in me, they built responsibility in me, and that was the best way of encouraging me to be brave and independent.  Some people may think it was crazy and unacceptable, but if it wasn’t because of this, maybe I wouldn’t have had enough guts in me to take leaps in faith that brought me to where I am today.   

I admire my grandma for who she is, what she stands for and I am entirely grateful for everything she has done for me. We find inspiration in different people and for different reasons. We should cherish and celebrate our heros and if we have a chance tell them what impact they made on us. Who knows, maybe one day we will become somebody’s hero? Wouldn’t it be nice to hear what difference we made in someone’s life?

A change is gonna come...

As I am writing this short blog l can’t help myself but experience a mixture of feelings and emotions like excitement and happiness as well as anxiety and fear at the same time as I am waiting for an inevitable and huge change to happen.

Any day now, I am about to have my second baby. Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited and part of me can’t wait, while the other part of me is trying to hang on to the last moments of some sort of independence , sleep, me time... The thought of another little person joining our little family is beautiful and thrilling and hugely rewarding but the thought of having another person dependant and relying on you for the rest of your life can be quite scary at the same time.

I had a conversation this morning with my husband about it. What he pointed out was that before my first son was born, I had total independence to do what I wanted to do and I wasn’t afraid to lose it. The change was somehow different: more unknown and the build up to it was more (dare I say) exciting. Somehow, this time maybe I appreciate the little independence I have more than ever and that's why I try to cling on to it as much as I can?

The benefits of this change far outweigh the worries I am having and I am very lucky to be going through this amazing experience but I am only human and sometimes when worry creeps in, I prefer to accept it rather than fight it. I wonder though, is it the change that makes me feel that way or knowing or maybe actually not knowing what's around the corner? It is quite fascinating to think that most people fear the unknown which I feared less and was excited about, and now knowing what's coming makes me more anxious... We all react to change differently. For some stepping out of their comfort zone and the unknown fills them with adrenaline and excitement, others get stiff with fear when they have to change their ways so there is no one solution that fits all when it comes to embracing change.

I personally think change is good and necessary. I've proven it to myself over and over again. Someone once said “if nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies”. I think it is just a matter of perspective. Change can be beautiful, we just need to look for that beauty. It is easy to talk ourselves out of change, allow the change to scare us. At the same time, looking for the positives and advantages of change will only help to get excited about it. As Wayne Dyer used to say, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. We will always gain or lose something. There is always some form of sacrifice we need to take in whatever we do.

Thoughts create our reality. I think it is safe to say that we all have moments of weakness, and that's ok; but then it is our choice only whether we will allow the fear and worry take over or if we embrace the unknown. I know what I choose: I choose to enjoy and cherish the beautiful change about to happen in my life.

Things I’ve learnt about myself after 100 Happy Days challenge.

On the 1st April I started the 100 Happy Days Challenge.
The challenge was to think about something that makes me happy, something I am grateful for, things I appreciate and upload a picture of what made me happy that day for 100 consecutive days.

At first I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew that the aim of the challenge was to create a positive habit and as a result becoming more happy, appreciative and grateful. It takes on average at least 66 days to form a new single habit but the most powerful changes take place after 90 days, hence the 100 happy days challenge. I also knew that our behaviour impacts our mind and the way we feel and vice versa so I was aware that by looking out for positive things in my day could only benefit the way I think and feel. I decided to sign up to the challenge and I chose Twitter as the platform for uploading my pictures.

The first few weeks were quite challenging... I went through most of the day without thinking about anything specific that made me happy and only when I sat down in the evening I would reflect on my day and remember that I need to upload my picture. To start with there was a theme of pictures of my son, husband, friends, family, food as those things were the easiest to appreciate but as the time went by I made a conscious effort to pay more attention to other things that I appreciate. There was a shift in the way I started to look at things. I started noticing more simple things like a free seat on a crowded train, lovely weather, day off, picnics, things that I wasn’t really appreciating that much before. I was waking up looking out for things that were making me happy and I was grateful for rather than waiting until the evening when I was reflecting on my day. 18 days into my challenge I had some sad news. My grandma passed away and a few days after, I had more bad news... I have to say, despite the sad news I made a conscious effort to concentrate on the positive aspects of my life, things I am grateful for rather than concentrating on sad news. This wasn’t easy and as ironic as it may sound, looking out for happy things, realising how happy and lucky I am really helped me through this hard time.

So what helped me complete the challenge?

Accountability – If you read my blog post or Facebook page, you would know that I publicly announced I am starting the challenge. I wanted to complete the challenge more for myself than anyone else, but that accountability also kept me going. Friends and people who knew I am doing the challenge kept asking how I was getting on which was encouraging me to complete the challenge even more. Also, few of my friends followed my steps and started the challenge themselves which was very encouraging.

Benefits – I knew the benefits that the challenge would bring. Apparently people who completed the challenge felt happier, more appreciative of life after finishing 100 Happy Days challenge.

Results – As the challenge was progressing I could feel more aware of things around me that made me happy. Looking out for positive things also became more subconscious than at the beginning. I consider myself a happy person, but I really think I’ve been happier and more appreciative of life in general since the beginning of the challenge.

Habit – uploading pictures everyday became a little bit of a routine and a habit. Although the challenge is over, I still look out for positives and I am not taking things for granted.

The challenge has made me reflect on my life and things I am grateful for more. I became more appreciative of small things that before I wouldn’t necessarily appreciate. The 100 Happy days challenge experience for me was positive and I would highly recommend giving it a go.

If you would like to flick through the pictures of my challenge, you can do that on https://twitter.com/LifeCoachPlease

The importance of resilience.

I’ve always admired those who are resilient, who can adapt and bounce back when things are not going their way.

People like Thomas Edison, James Dyson, Richard Branson and JK Rowling who we admire today, achieved great success because of their resilience and refusal to give up.

It is an inevitable part of our lives that we will make mistakes, are going to fail from time to time and the only way to avoid it seems to be living a very safe life, never trying to do anything new or take risks…but how many of us want to live this way?

Some people find it easier than others to recover from setbacks. According to psychologist Susan Kobasa, there are 3 essentials attitudes that support resilience:

Commitment - Resilient people know what they want and they are committed to their goals and aspirations, things and people that are important to them. They don’t get discouraged when things are not going according to their plan, instead, they concentrate on a positive image of the future.

Control - Resilient people focus on things that they have control over. They concentrate on present and future rather than focusing on their past (unless they use past experiences as a learning lesson for their future). People who dwell on past events which they can’t change and control, often think of themselves as victims, feel helpless and lost, and unable to get out of this unhelpful cycle.

Challenge – Resilient people see opportunities for growth and learning from their mistakes. They embrace change and see obstacles and failures as temporary setbacks and milestones that help them move forward rather than stopping them from achieving their goal.

Another characteristic that resilient people have in common is a positive outlook on their lives. Staying positive when things are working against you can be difficult, but staying optimistic about the future and finding positives even in the worst of circumstances is a very important part of resilience. Concentrating on negatives will not only not help you to move forward, but can also crush your confidence and belief in your abilities.

There are many things that you can do to work on building your resilience and some of them are:

Know what is that you want – Being clear on what you want to achieve will help you focus your attention on what matters to you. This will build your commitment to the task and your motivation to achieve your goal. The higher the motivation, the more determined you will be to achieve it so when you meet obstacles in your way, it will be easier to overcome them. Being flexible and able to adapt to change and unexpected situations is also an essential part of resilience.

Always improve your skills – Resilience is a skill that can be learnt. The more you get exposed to events and setbacks you need to overcome, the more chances you have to practice your resilience. Focus on improving skills that most resilient people have. Put yourself out of your comfort zone, learn from your mistakes, combat the challenges you face.

Build awareness of your language – The way we speak to ourselves has a huge impact on how we feel and how we behave. Negative thoughts and language can drain our energy and stifle our self belief and confidence, derailing us from progress therefore it is crucial to replace the negative monolog with positive self talk and thoughts. Confidence and self esteem have impact on the level of stress and your capability to recover from challenging events therefore remind yourself of your achievements, strengths and abilities, and build the courage to take the risks you need to move forward.

Look after yourself – Good health and wellbeing are fundamental to our mental and emotional resilience therefore integrating healthy diet, good quality sleep and exercise into your life will help you in coping with stress and will make you feel good.

Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, resistant to stress people – Having someone you can rely on, confide in and get support from in a difficult situation is very important. Sharing your concerns and having someone who can help you come up with solutions and bounce ideas off can be very encouraging.

Your response will determine your outcome –Each of us are faced with different choices on a daily basis. Two people can respond to the same situation very differently and it is the response that will determine whether the outcome is positive or negative. Resilient people tend to look for positives in every situation; they remain calm and collected under pressure so adopting this behaviour will help to build your own resilience.

Develop the curiosity and courage to go for what matters to you. Everyone at some point falls down, but those who win always stand up again!