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Body language
You can tell
a lot from looking at someone’s body language. You don’t have to be an expert in
body language to tell just by observing someone’s body posture, eye contact or
lack of, and handshake whether they are self conscious or confident. Similar to
language, body language has a huge impact on how we feel and act. If you want
to feel more confident, change your posture to reflect confidence. Take your
eyes off the floor, smile, breathe deeply, have upright posture with shoulders
back. Making these small changes can make a huge difference to your confidence
as well as how others perceive you.
Worrying about things
you have no control over
It’s normal to
worry sometimes. Unfortunately most people worry about the past and future and
things you have no way of controlling. I even know people who worry about
worrying. You are not going to feel good and confident if you worry, especially
about things you have no control over. You have no control over your past and
future (to some extent) but you are the only one who can control your emotions
and how you react to a situation. Your attitude determines your aptitude!
Not treating mistakes
and failures as learning
Going back
to the previous point, how you react to a situation will determine your
results. Let’s say you’ve just received a phone call saying that you didn’t get
the job you had interviewed for. You have two choices. You either can react by
saying: “I am such a failure”, “I am just not good enough”, “I am never going
to get this job” etc. Or by saying: “Never mind, at least I had a chance to
practice my interview skills”, “Next time I will be better prepared”. Failure
is an on going process and if we are growing and taking risks, then failing
isn’t abnormal. Your mistakes, but most importantly your attitude can either
break you or make you stronger. The choice is yours alone!
Beliefs
Some people are more confident
than others and one thing that distinguishes confident people from those who
lack confidence are their beliefs about themselves and their capabilities. They
take responsibility for their thoughts and don’t allow negative beliefs
compromise their confidence. Those who lack confidence often react to their
limiting beliefs with feelings and emotions rather than react rationally. They
talk themselves into believing in whatever they choose, even when it’s harmful
rather than helpful. As Henry Ford used to say “Whether you think you can, or
you can’t – you are right” so pay attention to which beliefs are getting most
of your energy.
Perfectionism
There is
nothing wrong in striving for perfection. It only becomes a problem if you
can’t move on or take action because you are bogged down with details and
things that you think are not good enough. When do you stop listening to your
inner critic? Where do you draw the line? If you don’t trust yourself to do
something because of your perfectionism, then you are not going to feel
confident. Confident people take action not because they think they are always
right, but because they are not afraid of being wrong. Don’t let the fear of taking
action prevent you from taking any action at all.
Always staying in your
comfort zone
You can be
amazing at what you do but even if you only do what you are amazing at you can
lose your confidence in doing other things. Most of us prefer to stay in a comfortable,
secure place, doing things we know rather than stretch ourselves to do things
that challenge us. The more you push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone,
the more it will expand each time you do. Challenge yourself, even if it’s not
pleasant to start with, increase your flexibility and confidence a little more
every day. What’s the worst that could happen?
Resisting change
Whether you
love or hate change, the chances are at some point you will be exposed to it.
Change is only bad if you believe it is bad. If you are not happy about
whatever is happening in your life and if you avoid change, things will stay
the same. To get different results, outcomes and feelings, we need to try
something different. Work on developing your flexibility and positive outlook
about change so you feel confident to approach it when it strikes.
Worrying about what
others would say
People have
their opinions about things and people, just like you have your opinion about
others. Confident people don’t let the opinion of others define what they can
or can’t do. They know that people don’t always agree on things, but that
doesn’t make them wrong. Confident people listen to their intuition and trust
themselves, rather than taking negative comments made by others too personally
or trying to impress others. Concentrate on building quality relationships with
people who support you, trust you and respect you and the opinions of those who
don’t really matter to you will become less important.
“Somehow I
can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man who
knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to
me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and
constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing,
believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable” Walt Disney
